NEW YORK â New York Police Commissioner Ray Kelly today announced that the NYPD will soon be expanding their controversial English-only policyâwhich forbids on-duty officers from speaking in a language other than Englishâto require that officers express themselves both âeloquently and clearlyâ through the âuse of perfect grammar and resplendent language.â
âItâs of the utmost importance that officers of the NYPD conduct themselves professionally and consistently,â Kelly said in a press conference announcing the new policy. âWe believe that, to do this, our force must interact with the public at highest linguistic levels. They should communicate clearly—but also beautifully, with language worthy of their post.â
Kelly offered some examples to illustrate how the new rule might change interactions between officers and the public. âIf an officer wants to advise a citizen against jaywalking, they shouldnât say, âHey lady, watch where ya goinâ.â Under the new rule, theyâll be required to say something more like, âExcuse me, madam, but perhaps, for the sake of your own safety and the continued harmonious functioning of our fair metropolis, next time you might consider availing yourself of the convenientâand, more germane, safeâcrosswalk, located a compendious fifteen feet from where we now stand, conversing as people will do.ââ
âAnything less would be barbarous,â Kelly continued. âBarbarous and dumb, sort of like Spanish.â
The NYPD already forbids its officers from speaking in a language other than English while on the job, and the department has repeatedly sanctioned those who break the rule. A Daily News investigation found that nine Hispanic officers have been reprimanded for speaking Spanish on the job, and recently an Upper West Side officer was written up for uttering a single sentence in Spanish. Critics charge that the English-only rule creates a hostile work environment for some officers, and makes it more difficult for them to interact with the multilingual New York population, but Kelly says he remains âunswayedâ by such criticism, arguing that English is âjust far more magnificent than Spanish.â
The new âperfect-grammarâ rule, slated to take effect early next month, would penalize offending officers by stripping them of one sick day every time theyâre caught using slang, poor syntax, or clichĂ©d metaphors. âNo longer will the NYPD be overheard saying, âFeels like a sauna out here today, right?ââ Kelly said. âIf you canât come up with a fresher simile than that, you might as well not speak at all.â
NYPD officers say theyâre worried that, once the new rule takes effect, they will lose the publicâs respect. One officer who spoke to Newslo predicted that criminals will lose their healthy fear of the police force: âHow are these low-life, cock-suckinâ scumbags gonna respect me when Iâm talkinâ like a total fairy?â
1 comment
I feel you to be an individual of little substance and therefore hereout I will afford you only that of a canine, in jail your’e a dog iv’e heard is the correct term. Your safety for you and your family is at all times ironclad but I’m not going to be polite – your’e a lower than shark shit dog. – with respect.