WASHINGTON – Tired of the staid environs of the Cabinet Room and Oval Office, President Barack Obama will reportedly hold all future security briefings at the undeniably enjoyable Wilber’s Putt-Putt in Alexandria, Va., according to White House spokesman Eric Schultz.
“First and foremost, he’s a golfer, and I think he’s made that perfectly clear,” Schultz said of the president, who last week played a round of 18 with celebrity friends shortly after he denounced ISIS – an Islamist terrorist group wreaking havoc in Syria and Iraq – for its beheading of American journalist James Foley. “So what’s the harm in mixing the business of assessing Middle Eastern turmoil with the pleasure of scoring a hole in one on the infamous back-nine windmill hole?”
Based on Obama’s de facto inhabitance on the miniature golf course over the last few days, where he has reportedly perfected his ability to knock the ball into the clown’s mouth on the first try while exhibiting his frustration with ISIS and debating possible military action, there doesn’t appear to be any harm at all.
“Focusing on putt-putt really amps up his political game, we’ve found,” continued Schultz. “Why jeopardize that inefficiency?”
Even General Martin E. Dempsey, U.S. chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, is fully on board with Obama’s preference to strategize about world affairs in the midst of navigating difficult holes laden with prop pirate ships.
“I’ve corresponded with the Pentagon about air raids from my mother-in-law’s bathroom,” said Dempsey. “There really is no limit as to where our government can discuss international operations.”
Schultz, though, appears to understand the public outcry over Obama’s recent golf round following Foley’s beheading.
“There’s never a perfect time for the president to take some time away with his family,” said Schultz. “But I think we can also agree that it’s valuable to recharge your batteries.”
“Besides, it saves a heck of a lot on constructing models for war games,” said Schultz as an aerial drone circled above the 15th hole’s miniature oil well.