DAR ES SALAAM, Tanzania — The African nation of Tanzania abounds with anticipation of a face-to-face encounter between current President of the United States Barack Obama, and the man who previous held that title, George W. Bush, in what promoters are calling “The Gonorrhea in Tanzania.”
“The mutual animosity between these two titans is legendary,” said Tanzanian President Jakaya Kikwete. “We are proud to serve as a neutral site so that the world can finally watch as these two go at each and the sparks fly.”
The meeting’s ostensible purpose is to lay a wreath during a memorial ceremony at the U.S. Embassy in Tanzania which was the site of a 1998 terrorist bombing that killed 11 people, but political observers and event promoters promise a verbal tussle the likes of which the eastern shore of central Africa has never seen.
Each camp is holding their plans of attack close to the belt, but specific leaks meant to intimidate the other side has slipped out. For example, an unnamed source in the Bush camp suggested that Obama is vulnerable to attack on how he praises Bush for creating the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief with one hand, while cutting funding for the program with the other.
Another unnamed source in the Obama camp countered that Obama may counter by laying into to Bush for pretty much destroying the American economy through tax cuts for the rich and two unfunded wars.
Neither side is expected to mention Guantanamo Bay, the CIA’s drone program, or NSA wireless surveillance. “They’ve only got a limited amount of time to battle,” confirmed Deputy National Security Adviser Ben Rhodes. “There’s no reason to bring up subjects they agree on.”
“One thing that I can promise the world is The Gonorrhea in Tanzania will not disappoint!” touted Salaam Mecky Sadick, governor of Dar es Salaam, the Tanzanian capital. “When the presidents start talking over one another with random, meaningless word salad, everyone will be talking about how advanced we are as a nation, rather than how our prime minister has been accused of endorsing violence by police against dissidents and the opposition.
Neither President has commented publicly on the upcoming bout, but sources confirm that both are taking it very seriously. “The former president is really looking forward to getting in the cage with Obama,” confided Sally McDonough, V.P. of Marketing, Communications and Events for the George W. Bush Foundation. “43 is just totally going to wipe the floor with 44’s ass.”
Promoters were mum on the rumored surprise under card fight between Laura Bush and Michelle Obama.