Obama Campaign Attacks Paul Ryan’s Two First Names, Targets Dyslexic Vote

CHICAGO — A new advertisement released by the Obama campaign has chosen a unique way of criticizing Mitt Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan. The ad, entitled “Bad Education,” asserts that one of the primary reasons for Ryan’s selection was the vice presidential candidate’s “two first names.”

“Governor Romney wants to confuse you,” the ad’s voice-over narration states. “He wants to insult and mock your intelligence. Mitt Romney does not care about those with learning disabilities like dyslexia, for whom Paul Ryan’s name might be easily confused for Ryan Paul or, even more unfortunately, Ron Paul.”

Political commentators claim that the ad has sealed the “dyslexic vote” for the incumbent president.

“I was on the fence before today, but now that I know the truth there’s no question about it: I’ll be voting for Obama,” said Marvin Stearns, a 19-year-old with dyslexia from the south side of Chicago.

Stearns claims that the more he thinks about it, the more he sees the evils of the Romney-Ryan ticket. Because of his learning disability, Stearns “jumbled up all the letters” in Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan’s full names the first time he read them, accidentally discovering that the two names form an anagram of the words “Mutiny men portrayal.” Stearns believes this is a clear sign that Romney and Ryan wish to “overthrow America.”

Aaron Reeves, a longtime aide on the Obama campaign who overcame his dyslexia at the age of thirteen, finds other subtle codes embedded in Ryan’s name.

‘Paul Ryan’ is an anagram of ‘Ur pal Ayn,’ Reeves notes, proof that “Ryan is the nefarious incarnation of his favorite author, Ayn Rand. Do we really want a ghost or a zombie or whatever he is in our White House?”

Other liberals have responded positively to the Obama ad and Reeves’ supporting remarks. Senator Harry Reid, who made headlines this summer for prodding Romney to release his tax returns, has now redirected his attention to turning the tables on Republicans who questioned the validity of the president’s birth certificate.

“We can play the ‘birther’ game, too,” Reid told Newslo. “If Paul Ryan wants to prove that he’s not Ayn Rand in a P90X body, then show us the goddamn birth certificate.”

Neither Ryan nor anyone in the Romney-Ryan camp has opted to comment.