WASHINGTON – White House sources today admitted that President Obama was considering appointing former White House economic advisor Larry Summers to be the next Chairman of the Federal Reserve as a way to depress the current economic recovery in case it should get too big a head for its shoulders.
“We’re in a very precarious economic position right now,” explained Alan Krueger, Chairman of President Obama’s Council of Economic Advisors. “Things have been slowly improving for a number of years, people are finally starting to see real results. Summers is just the man we need to make sure those minimal results vanish in a puff of deregulatory smoke.”
Summers is no stranger to making poor economic decisions that have a devastating effect on the American economy. As Treasury Secretary during President Bill Clinton’s second term, he was a key player in the deregulation of Wall Street which set the stage for the financial collapse of 2008, including cheering on the destruction of the Glass-Steagall Act and personally ruining the work of level-headed regulators who attempted to reign in the explosive derivatives market, leaving them to run unchecked and unregulated to where they nearly single-handedly sent America into the Great Recession.
The Obama Administration believes he will be able to use these same talents as Chairman of the Federal Reserve to stifle any worthwhile economic recovery.
“The man has been 100% wrong on economic policy for decades,” said James Stock, who works with Krueger on the President’s Council of Economic Advisors. “That kind of track record is hard to ignore.”
Current Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, whose term ends in January, applauded the possible choice of Summers to replace him. “I’ve spent my years here at the Fed doing what I could to inch the economy towards recovery without upsetting Wall Street,” he said. “But I’m only human. Larry, on the other hand, is an economically-minded demon spawn. A monetary vampire, if you will, who will suck our economy dry and send the country spiraling to its financial ruin. I’d step aside now if it were legal.”
For his part, Summers appeared humble at the news that he was being considered. “I have spent my entire life in a selfish pursuit of power at the expense of ordinary… what do you call them? People. Yes, that’s the word,” said Summers, who was removed from his position as President of Harvard University for making derogatory remarks about women as scientists and was known to imply that black professors were inadequate scholars. “To be named Chairman of the Federal Reserve would be the obvious endgame in my lifelong career as a financial wrecking ball.”
“If selected, I promise to do all in my power to further deregulate Wall Street and to see that the American economy remain weak and lifeless for decades to come,” he added.