BERLIN — On Wednesday, a befuddled President Obama stood before 4,000 ambivalent Germans to speak about nuclear disarmament and the international security state. The crowd—which only five years ago number 200,000 and greeted Mr. Obama with rapturous cries of “Yes We Can”—this time yawned theatrically, rolled their eyes repeatedly, and was heard apathetically chanting, “Maybe You Will.”
“I mean, he’s still kinda cool,” said one attendee, Greta Doerner, who stopped by to hear the leader of the free world speak only because the event happened to be on her way home. “But now his coolness seems kind of stupid and hypocritical—if not suspicious, you know? What right does he have to be so charming and composed this late into his presidency, after everything that has happened—or more importantly, has not happened?”
At points, Mr. Obama paused from calling for a “bold” reduction in US and Russian nuclear arms supplies and defending the NSA’s surveillance program, Prism, to plead with the palpably-unenthusiastic crowd. “Why don’t you like me anymore?” he pleaded. “Is it my hair? I know I’ve gone gray a bit. But I’m still handsome, right? Doesn’t it make me look distinguished?”
The president seemed unaware of the crowd’s actual grievances against him, which one attendee, Jonas Hinze, catalogued while speaking to Newslo. “He’s increased the use of armed drones in the Middle East, he never closed down Guatanamo Bay, and now we find out he sanctioned one of the most invasive spying programs ever. What a dick.”
President Obama’s popularity in Germany—as well as across Europe—has plummeted since his first speech before the Brandenburg Gate five years ago, when most Germans ranked him second only to David Hasslehoff in terms of “awesomeness and likelihood to change the world for the better.” The many scandals that have plagued his administration in 2013 have only worsened this trend; indeed, a recent cover of the influential German magazine Der Spiegel bared the headline “Der verlorene Freund”—The Lost Friend. But despite their obviously-tempered feelings about Obama, the president remains more popular in Germany than in his home country, where, for the first time, less than half of Americans believe he is honest and trustworthy.
President Obama closed his speech with a final, desperate attempt to win back the German nation’s love: “What if I made techno the official music of the United States? I’ll blast it from every street corner—will that help you forgive me?”
7 comments
Not to be presumptuous but if youre after my thoughts… God Bless! I have at all times conducted myself to a standard… And if anyone feels strongly enough to take me to task on anything that I have done then by all means I don’t know everything, please at any stage if you feel the need don’t hesitate you will always find me to be reasonable, friendly and helpful. Just one more time – I unlike you am not a dog. Someone should confiscate your last fucking name your an absolute disgrace!
Artistic license to articulate or not, alinsky it enough it becomes so! the lewinsky blue dress stain of truth for progressives come home to roostky!,..lol
Obama already knows what he’s done to this country. It’s by design…
This is good! People need to come outright with it and give him the shaft!!
The president and the Prime Minister of Canada should get off their main stream high horse and start checking out tweets and fb pages behind the scenes then maybe they will KNOW what they have done to their countries..
This story is total BS haha…just watched the whole speech, not a word of this is true.
“Is it my hair?” Pompous prick.
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