Obama Nominates War on Terror as CIA Director

WASHINGTON — Despite attempts during his first term to disassociate himself from the Bush administration’s counterterrorist philosophies, President Obama has nominated the War on Terror as the next Director of the Central Intelligence Agency.

The decision came as a surprise, as the Obama administration has carefully removed the name “War on Terror” from its lexicon. However, the nominee’s strong endorsement of targeted drone strikes and his highly implausible claim that they have caused virtually no civilian deaths in South Asia make any attempts to misrepresent his identity futile.

“Now, I know there are some people from across the political spectrum who will disagree with my selection for his approval of ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’ and the establishment of black sites in which to conduct them,” the president stated in his weekly address, “But my candidate represents a significant departure from the previous administration’s disgraceful reliance on so-called ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’ and the establishment of black sites in which to conduct them.”

The choice was indeed met with outcry from citizens who believe the CIA has begun a transition in recent years from an intelligence-gathering agency into a paramilitary organization, but President Obama stood by his decision to nominate the man who drafted the infamous CIA “kill list.”

“It is unfair to hound the War on Terror based on his affiliation with the previous administration,” Obama asserted. “After all, he is totally against water boarding, when covering the face of the enemy.”