Obama Promises to Stop Listening to Merkel’s ‘Incredibly Boring’ Phone Calls

WASHINGTON – With allegations swirling against American President Barack Obama for his alleged use of the NSA to tap German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s phone, the president has promised that the NSA is not listening in on her phone calls and would refrain from such surveillance practices in the future.

“First, I do not think it is good policy for allies to spy on each other,” Obama said, “and second, for being the leader of the EU’s most powerful country, her phone conversations are incredibly boring and pedantic. ”

The allegations of American spying have not been limited to Germany—reports indicate that the NSA was monitoring a  number of U.S. allies including Spain, Mexico, and France.

“I’m not sure if we are going to stop those operations,” Obama mused, “I mean Merkel’s phone calls were awful—mostly just her droning on and on about her favorite cat videos and what she was going to have for dinner. Please, spare me.”

The American President did lament that former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is no longer in office.

“I mean, between Silvio’s steamy sexual encounters, tax fraud, and sensual Italian accent, his phone records were like having my own private HBO drama to tune into.”

The president also urged foreign countries to elect leaders with interesting personalities and at least one skeleton in their closet.
“For all this country does for the world,” Obama explained, “the least they could do is keep the good folks at the NSA entertained.”