Obama to Launch Kickstarter Campaign for Immigration Reform

WASHINGTON — In response to criticism from the Heritage Foundation, a conservative D.C.-based think tank, that the immigration reform bill set to face a Senate vote this week will prove too costly for taxpayers, President Barack Obama has announced he will be launching a Kickstarter campaign to counterbalance the costs.

“After witnessing the overwhelming support of Veronica Mars fans, I thought to myself, ‘I’m no feisty blonde, but if Zach Braff can convince Garden State fans to hand him a tenth of his net worth, can’t the President of the United States of America convince the same demographic that immigration reform is also worth their money?’ ”

“No” has been the overwhelming response from political analysts, but the president seems hopeful. He added that “the only difference between Hollywood and the American government is that while both require funding from the American people, only one has so far been smart enough to ask for more using Kickstarter.”

The Internet is already buzzing with rumors about the rewards that backers will be able to claim. For $100 million, the First Lady will fill out one lucky backer’s Obamacare application. One $1 billion backer can join the president in challenging Syrian President Bashar Assad and Iranian Foreign Minister Ali Akbar Salehi in tennis doubles. One lucky backer will be able to claim a romantic dinner for two with Brent Wilkes, national executive director of the League of United Latin American Citizens, at Wilkes’ favorite tapas bar. This reward will cost $50.

The Gang of Eight bill proposes a compromise on enhancing border security, establishing an agricultural guest worker program and would help 11 million undocumented immigrants achieve citizenship. Experts from the Heritage Foundation say the cost of the bill’s plans would be too high for taxpaying American citizens, even though the currently illegal immigrants would effectively become taxpaying American citizens.

The campaign is set to go live tomorrow night and has a target goal of $6.3 trillion. The president has stated that he hopes to break a few Kickstarter records.