Obama Extends Socialized Medicine to Marine Life

WASHINGTON – President Obama announced last week that the controversial Affordable Care Act, commonly referred to as Obamacare, would be extended to marine life. The proposal would be the first that brings comprehensive healthcare reform to sea creatures in the United States.

“I’m going to use my authority to protect some of our nation’s most precious marine landscapes,” Obama said at a press conference. “This amendment to the Affordable Care Act will save precious lives in our marine communities.”

The extension to the Affordable Care Act is one of many recent Obama administration policies aimed at protecting marine life. The efforts come after years of pressure from both environmental activists and maritime doctors. “If this group can’t create a serious plan to protect future generations of our marine communities, then who can and who will?” asked Secretary of State John Kerry.

Unsurprisingly, there was immediate pushback from Republican lawmakers. “It’s another example of this imperial presidency,” House Natural Resource Committee Chairman Doc Hastings told reporters.

“First, he trades enemy combatants for a deserter,” Rush Limbaugh, noted right-win radio personality, said on his radio show the morning after the announcement. “Now, he’s forcing our fish to sign up for government healthcare. When will it end?”

There has been no official statement from the gilled community. When Newslo went into the ocean to collect interviews, the fish we came in contact with opened and closed their mouths rapidly and wiggled out of our hands.