Obituaries: People Worldwide Tearfully Bid Farewell to Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse

EARTH — All around the globe this morning, people awoke to a golden sunrise and a somber realization that a reliable old friend, Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse, was no longer with us.

While it is unknown who ultimately killed Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse, we can all reflect warmly on our shared memories. Born in 2007, Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse soon became wildly popular, especially in the past year. By the winter of 2012, Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse could be found in sitcom storylines, college theme parties, and comments made by trolls on Doomsday Prepper forums.

From the operators of novelty Twitter accounts to socially awkward people looking to break the ice at office functions, friends and fans spent the morning fondly reminiscing about the dependability of Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse.

“What a wingman. I would’ve never gotten laid without Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse,” said college fraternity member Tommy “Rat” Rodell, before quickly clarifying that he was just kidding and that this is not at all the case.

Rodell then recounted how he had met “this slammin’ bitch” at an End of the World theme party last night, and was grateful to have Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse by his side. “I told her, ‘Soon the earth will be engulfed in a massive solar flare and we will all be roasted alive in the heat – you should probably take off that dress.’”

After a thoughtful pause, Rodell added, “Then we smushed, rawdog.”

Another admirer, an amateur satirist, claims to have been the benefactor of Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse’s last deed in this world when he came up with the idea to write an obituary for the planet Earth, only to realize it was already too late.

And so, on this day, Friday, December 21, 2012, we tearfully say goodbye to Jokes About the Mayan Apocalypse.

Good night, sweet prince.