Occupy Wall Street Bought out by American Apparel

NEW YORK — In a deal that’s likely to bolster the sex appeal of American Apparel, the Occupy Wall Street movement has agreed to sell 51% of its shares to the popular fashion brand American Apparel. Commenting on the win-win deal, Occupy Faciliator Deborah Brown said that it “felt good to finally feel empowered after so many years of hard work.” Asked if merging with a corporate entity would dilute the Occupy movements core values, Brown seemed puzzled: “American Apparel’s a corporate entity? How do you figure that?”

Protesters cheered at the news that they would likely be used as models for the popular brands next brand magazine, “Occupy This!” which will feature revealing photos of Occupy campers in sexy grunge clothing, hipster outerwear, and other outdoor styles.

Dov Charney, head of the controversial fashion giant, came under accusations of exploitation and sexual harassment after reports surfaced that he had been openly hitting on some of the female Occupy protesters. “Have you seen some of those Occupy chicks? Now that’s a movement,” said Charney, as he spoke to a crowd of reporters.

Occupy member Brian Luther said that the new corporate deal would bring Occupy’s image to the forefront of American politics, and inspire youth to protest fashionably. “Look, a lot of people think we’re selling out,” admitted Luther. “But the truth is, we need resources to help America – we need to become part of the beast to fight the beast.” Luther then showed off his new American Apparel cold-weather coldwear, which features a tight pair of shorts and a clingy tee-shirt with the letters, “OWS OWNS!”

Occupy protesters declared victory at the news, while the 99% wrote letters to the movement complaining that now no one would camp out to represent their interests. “We’re too old to camp out on Wall Street,” complained Gretta McDonald, an older woman living in Minnesota who supports the Occupy movement’s message. “We need kids out there to carry forth our message.”

Asked if she would support the new alliance between the 99% and fashion, Gretta admitted to liking “some of their styles. I think I’ll buy one of those see-through tank tops – I hear they’re getting popular among us retirement aged people.”