Occupy Wall Street Protestors Left Early to Camp Out for iPhone

NEW YORK — Participants in the Occupy Wall Street anniversary reoccupation on September 17 have reportedly been left with a sour taste in their mouths after discovering that many friends left Zuccotti Park early to camp out for the new Apple iPhone.

Mark Randolph, a longtime supporter of the Occupy Wall Street movement who occupied the Park for nearly two months in the fall of 2011, said he returned to Zuccotti Park on September 17, 2012, with his best friend, Andrew Davies. “I was really excited,” Randolph said. “So was Andrew. We really want to change, like, things — you know?”

But after a few hours, Davies suddenly and mysteriously decided to leave. “I thought maybe he was just afraid of the police,” Randolph said. Randolph was among the 100-plus Occupiers arrested later in the day, but says he was proud to be a part of the movement: “I believe in this, man. I am the 99% and I deserve to be heard.” When released from the local police precinct the following morning, Randolph returned to his 1,000 square foot loft in SoHo, passing by the Apple Store on Prince Street and spotting a familiar face.

“That fucker Davies is sitting outside the door with a fold-up chair, a portable microwave, and a stack of old ‘GQ’s,” Randolph told Newslo. Davies was camping out for the newest iPhone, which was released three days later. “It’s fucking betrayal, is what it is. Not just to me, but to the movement, to the ideals, to change,” Randolph said, growing visibly upset. “He’s so bougie and materialistic. It’s exactly the sort of shit we fight against.”

After regaining his composure, Randolph dug through his Jack Spade messenger bag and proudly flipped through his Occupy Wall Street photo album on a 64 GB, 3G iPad 3.