Ohio Teachers Choose Sex Over Students

CINCINNATI, Ohio – A number of long-time teachers with Cincinnati Catholic Schools have chosen to quit their jobs recently rather than sign a morality clause in their new contracts with the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. The clause in question does not allow teachers to engage in sex outside of marriage, and the teachers are choosing to continue their lives of sexual promiscuity rather than educate young children.

“It breaks my heart, because teaching is my life,” said second-grade teacher Hannah Powell. “But I’m a healthy, single woman and sometimes I just gotta have it.”

In addition to banning pre-marital sex, the morality clause in the new contracts also bars teachers- who are officially designated “teacher-ministers”- from using in-vitro fertilization, living with a partner, living a gay lifestyle, or publicly supporting any of the banned activities. “[The contracts lay out], in abundantly clear language, some of the principles of the Catholic Church,” said Cincinnati Catholic Schools superintendent Dr. Jim Rigg. “If a potential teacher-minister cannot withstand the lustful temptation of the flesh, he or she can go teach at a Methodist school or whatever.”

Critics of the new morality clause say it unfairly singles out women, because men are able to have casual sex and walk away, whereas women often turn moody, clingy, and sometimes pregnant. “It’s much harder for a woman to hide when she’s been a slut,” said Ron Dubois, a member of the Board of Trustees for Voice of the Faithful. “In many ways this clause is a direct assault on female sexuality.”

Voice of the Faithful has covered Cincinnati with numerous billboards which ask, “Would Pope Francis sign the new Catholic teacher contract?”

“The whole thing is just so unfair,” said Powell. “They shouldn’t be able to force us to go without sex just because they can’t have their little altar boys anymore.”