WYANDOTTE, Okla. – An artillery shell fired from a 105mm howitzer at the Oklahoma Full Auto Shoot and Trade Show last weekend crashed through the walls and ceiling of an Oklahoma home three miles away while homeowner Gene Kelley and his wife were in the house. The owner of historic, military-grade weapon insisted that the gun was fired properly, and blamed the damage to the Kelley’s home on what he termed ‘that damn liberal conspiracy they call physics.’

“As far as the safety end of everything, we drill every one of our shooters before it ever begins. We have [a] 30-45 minute drill,” said Mike Friend, Owner of Fast Machine Gun Shoot. “We teach them how to point the gun, how to fire the gun, all that. What the shell does after that is up to God.”

Friend claimed that the individual who paid him money for the treat of firing the deadly weapon in no way intended to destroy the Kelley’s home. “It was not on a level plane, but on a downward trend, pointed downhill in the bottom of a valley,” said Friend. “For that thing to rise and go far northwest of the range, it’s just unheard of.

“It was those damn anti-gun freaks putting their physics mumbo-jumbo on the shell. They’re the real criminals,” he added.

Friend said authorities should look for a way to better protect gun owners from the ‘liberal physics conspiracy. “That’s some seriously dangerous stuff,” he said. “I mean you shoot a gun in the air, and they make the bullet come right back down at you. Someone’s going to get hurt!”

The homeowners, in another room at the time, were unharmed when the 14.5 inch-long, 3.5 inch-across shell blasted the walls of their house into smithereens. “It’s unbelievable,” Kelley said. “Unless you were here to see it or see the pictures I’ve got, you would not believe how huge this thing is.” Kelley said things could have been even worse had the shell not struck a tree and the ground before smashing its way through his home.

Friend agreed that his 105mm howitzer has some serious kill power. “Oh yeah, pulverize a wall three miles out? No problem,” he said. “You should see what it does from, like, a couple hundred yards away!”