Olympics President Begs World Leaders to ‘Shut Up and Let Russia Hate Gays Already!’

SOCHI, Russia — International Olympic Committee President Thomas Bach today lambasted politicians around the world for using this month’s Winter Olympic Games to make a political statement. “Yes, yes. Russia is a horrible country for gay people,” he said. “Enough already! We get it! You’ve made your point! Now will you all please shut up?”

Though he did not name names, many believe Bach was specifically referring to US President Barack Obama and other European leaders who have denounced Russia’s treatment of homosexuals. “The Olympics should not be used as a stage for political dissent or for trying to score points in internal or external political contests,” he said. “Nobody from Russia is, say, demanding to see certain individuals’ birth certificates. So why can’t we all just let Russia hate gay people and be done with it? Live and let live.”

Bach insisted that the upcoming Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia, deserve to be remembered for the amazing feats of athletic greatness sure to unfold, not for Russia’s appalling record on human rights or their newly-enacted anti-gay law.

Despite Russian President Vladimir Putin’s assurances that homosexuals will not be discriminated against during the games, President Obama, German President Joachim Gauck, French President Francois Hollande, and British Prime Minister David Cameron have all indicated that they would not be attending the Games.

Bach is taking these high-profile snubs in stride. “I understand if some people choose not to come to the Sochi games,” he said. “Gay people, for example, may not feel overly welcome. But I believe that it is wrong to single out a country’s abominable treatment of a favored group of people. We wouldn’t even be having this argument if their anti-gay law was an anti-pedophile law, would we?

“The Olympics are about different people from different cultures and different beliefs coming together to celebrate our world’s diversity and display tolerance over what we may not understand,” continued Bach. “Not about being nice to gay people.”