Omar Vizquel Insists He Is Still Useful, Contributing MLB Player

TORONTO — In an unexpected press conference called by Omar Vizquel himself, the 45-year-old utility infielder tried to convince a room full of reporters he is still a productive member of the Toronto Blue Jays Major League Baseball team.

Vizquel said he is completely deserving of the $750,000 he stands to make this season, while also pointing to the fact that he is “knocking on history’s door,” in reference to his number of MLB hits. Vizquel is sitting on 2,874 career hits, only 126 shy of the 3,000 mark, a number only 28 players have achieved before. As Vizquel notes, the 3,000-hit club is made up almost entirely of Hall of Famers and future Hall of Famers, with only players who disgraced baseball’s name (Pete Rose and Rafael Palmeiro) being kept out. Vizquel gets up every day in hopes that he will get at least “one step closer” to the mark, thus guaranteeing him a spot in Cooperstown, in his eyes.

Vizquel suggested to reporters that they should start putting a small picture of him in every Blue Jays article in print and online, featuring his number of hits along with the title, “Vizquel’s Quest for 3,000.”

“It doesn’t matter that I’m not starting every day right now. I’m sure things will pick up soon,” said Vizquel, pointing out that he’s had tons of seasons where he’s had over 150 hits, although the last such year was 2006. “I mean, is there anything else exciting at all on this team?”

Vizquel is currently hitting .234 with 33 total hits. At his current rate, he would need another four seasons to reach 3,000 for his career. Vizquel said he had trouble hearing a reporter who asked him a question about whether the number 3,000 would really get him into the Hall of Fame when he’s only a .272 career hitter with a total of only 80 home runs. Vizquel was also seen reaching down under his seat to grab old Gold Glove Awards during the press conference, eventually surrounding himself with the 11 he has won over his career. When asked why he was doing this, he replied, “What? These old things?”