Ousted Morsi to Vacation in Hawaii with US Bonus Check

CAIRO – Former Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi—who was removed from power by a military-backed coup on Wednesday—announced soon after his ouster that he is, “in some ways, relieved about the whole thing,” saying that he plans on “kickin’ it” for a few months in the “crystal clear waters of Hawaii.” Morsi noted that he can afford such an extravagant trip, which will “help ease [his] transition from office,” since he plans on funding the excursion with the bonus check he recently received from the United States.

“Welp. Military tossed me out. Total bummer. But now it’s Hawaii here I come!” Morsi said in a tweet published Wednesday evening. “Maybe Maui. What do u guys think?”

Morsi’s now-defunct government, controlled by his Muslim Brotherhood Party, received about $1.5 billion in aid from the United States last year—second only to Israel among countries not currently or recently occupied by American forces—a number that Morsi seemed to brag about when he said that, as far as his upcoming trip goes, “money isn’t an issue. I’m rollin’ in it, baby.”

Although most of the American money given to the Egyptian government is ostensibly allocated towards “promoting peace and democracy”—which often includes purchasing military hardware from US arms-manufacturing companies—Morsi’s statements seem to suggest that some of that money has found its way into his personal bank account. Indeed, experts say that aid money is often difficult to track, and that the US has a history of paying heads-of-state directly, as it did when Afghani president Hamid Karzai was found to be receiving bags of cash given to him by CIA officials.

“Heard Hawaii is poppin this time of year,” Morsi said. “Lookin’ forward to chillin w/ a lei around my neck, a pina colada in my hand, and no protestors for 1000s of miles Peace out, Egypt! See you in Hell!”

Morsi’s only worry seemed to be that the flow of American money would soon cease, now that he’s technically no longer the leader of Egypt. “Little concerned here,” he tweeted late Wednesday night. “Was supposed to receive American stipend today. Hasn’t arrived yet. Might have to cancel Netflix subscript., and just started season 4 of Mad Men!”