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  • Sports

Omar Vizquel Insists He Is Still Useful, Contributing MLB Player

  • September 22, 2012
  • News Lo
TORONTO — In an unexpected press conference called by Omar Vizquel himself, the 45-year-old utility infielder tried to convince a room full of reporters he is still a productive member…
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  • Politics

Congress Decides “Death Quota” for Mass Shootings Must Be Filled Before Gun Control Reform Passes

  • September 21, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After a summer of tragic and disturbing domestic mass shootings, a bipartisan effort on Capitol Hill has led to the announcement that Congress will not act immediately on…
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  • Politics

Congressional Candidate Deemed Racist After “Black Friend” Refuses to Defend Him

  • September 20, 2012
  • News Lo
BISMARCK, N.D. — North Dakota electoral politics are not known for their sprawling diversity, but race has recently taken a front seat in the state’s lone congressional battle. During a…
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  • Politics

Mitt Romney Does “The Vagina Monologues” in Desperate Attempt to Court Female Vote

  • September 20, 2012
  • News Lo
Mitt-romney-vagina
CLEVELAND — In an effort to appeal to women voters, many of whom have identified Mitt Romney as “chauvinistic,” “cold,” and “sterility inducing,” the GOP presidential hopeful plans to perform…
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  • Politics

Politicians Vow to Start Caring for Troops After Next War

  • September 19, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — At a press conference in the Rose Garden today, President Obama announced that the administration fully intends to take care of American troops after the nation’s incipient war…
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  • Media

Newslo Declares War on The Onion

  • September 16, 2012
  • News Lo
NEW YORK — Newslo, the first purely democratic source for breaking news, is formally at war with dictatorial and monopolizing newsgroup, The Onion. In a statement from Roger Arkin, Press…
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