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Palin: God Invented Breitbart to Save America

NEW YORK – Former Alaska governor and failed vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin yesterday said that God created Fox News in order to save America from “vile, evil liberals.” Palin—who makes over $200,000 a year working for Fox—said she believes that Creation “didn’t necessarily stop on that Seventh Day” and that God invented the 24-hour news network “so that He could have His voice heard in America.”

Yesterday, Palin—who has also suggested that the Iraq War and a proposed Alaskan gas pipeline are part of “God’s will”—told Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace that “Jesus spoke to [her] and said that we here at Fox are doing His work, fighting back against those liberals, especially over at MSNBC.”

“Every time I appear on Fox News, I know I’m helping to save souls,” Palin said. “Our country is being overrun by those liberals who want to destroy it, so thankfully God intervened and created this network to fight back against them. In a real way, He’s here in the room with us right now, speaking to America through us. And to tell you the truth Chris, He says he’s none too happy.”

Last week, MSNBC host Martin Bashir called Palin a “world class idiot” and suggested that she be forced to eat feces after she publicly equated America’s debt to China with slavery. Bashir has since apologized for his “wholly unacceptable” comments, and yesterday Palin said she has forgiven him.

“Jesus forgives everyone, even murderers,” Palin said. “And since I’m working for Jesus, I figure I have to forgive Bashir, even if he’s an agent of the Devil.”

While accepting Bashir’s apology, Palin expressed worry for “vulnerable” children attacked by the “media elite” who don’t have “that microphone God blessed me to be able to express my opinion.”

“He also blessed me these cameras, and the nice makeup lady in back,” Palin continued. “It’s all part of his Plan.”

UPDATE: God change his mind. Invented Breitbart now.


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