VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. – Televangelist and 700 Club host Pat Robertson, 83, today interrupted a segment of his show dedicated to fielding audience questions to describe the method by which he has remained “straight and AIDS-free” throughout his long preaching career. Robertson—whose show reaches nearly 1 million viewers a day—said that, since 1969, he’s been wearing an “anti-sodomite” necklace, which, according to Robertson, “repels homosexuals and other queers, and keeps [him] free of their abhorrent lifestyles and gay diseases.”
“With all the gayness poisoning our great nation these days, you might think it’s only by God’s grace that I have managed to remain straight and healthy through it all,” Robertson told his viewers. “But, for once, this was no miracle—I have only my gay-repelling necklace to thank, which has kept all sexual degenerates at least 20 feet away from me for the last 44 years, ever since the stonewall riots convinced me the gays were coming for my heterosexuality.”
Robertson neglected to fully explain the necklace’s powers, revealing only that “it involves hyper-masculine materials, such as moose semen and barbed wire,” but said that he is finally ready to share it with the world. “For only ten easy payments of $59.99, you too can protect yourself from fancy-boy, disease spreading homosexuals,” Robertson said. 700 Club producers expect sales of the necklace to generate substantial funds for the show, which netted over $400 million in donations in 2005 alone.
See Also: Huckabee: “Men’s As*es Are To Me What Bacon Is To Jews – I Can Look But Can’t Touch”
See Also: Ben Carson: “Gay People Who Go To Prison Come Out Being Straight; I Can Suggest That As Therapy”
Robertson’s unveiling came as a response to inquiries concerning comments he made on his show earlier this week. On Tuesday, Robertson used a portion of his show to claim that American homosexuals in cities like San Francisco are intentionally spreading AIDS via “specials rings” that “cut your finger” during handshakes and thereby infect you with the deadly HIV virus. “Really,” the host said. “It’s that kind of vicious stuff, which would be the equivalent of murder.”
“Lots of people wrote in to ask how they can protect themselves from these queer, ring-toting murderers,” Robertson said Thursday. “Well, that made me realize I had to come clean about my anti-gay necklace. It’s time for the world to know.”
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This will NEVER work, I LOVE Moose Semen! Get me within 44′ of Pat and I will be riding him like a school gurl on a bus! That is if his little stiffie even works, *giggle*
If he’s been “protected” for the past 44 years, what did he do for the first 39 years (he is 83 after all)??
When will people realize that a. Christianity is no longer a religion of love, but a love of religion. And, B. The Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist and All other religion’s God are the same. Man created religion, and it is religion that will end us all.
Unreal that this man is still on the airways taking peoples money and sharing his hate across this nation. I will never understand why the network keeps him on. As far as his “anti gay necklace” goes……that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. There isnt a gay person I know who wants to be around him. So I would say the necklace doesn’t work. Im a Christian and God has been so good and blessed me. I would love to be in heaven when Pat stands before God. That will be interesting.
And the necklace is FABULOUS!
How convenient. He says someone is running around infecting people and SUDDENLY he has the cure. That old fart is pretty crafty. Guess people haven’t been sending him alot of their money so he need to drum up business.
It certainly hasn’t kept mental illness away……….
That necklace sounds a little pagan to me.
He came into where i work one day and i was right next to him and he never knew i was gay..lol. so much dor his necklace. What a joke he is.
This man is seriously short on intelligence and long on senility. I read this to my daughter and she told me to stop because it was making her brain hurt to know that there are really people like this out there. I’m showing her it is imperative for her to register to vote. Pat Robertson seems to be her kryptonite! I think I’ve got her convinced that it is her social and civil duty to ensure people like this nut-job and his ilk never hold office in this country again.
Well what can one say other than shall we pray for you sir? I am in total shock! I think maybe you need to ask yourself what are you doing? Really? Of all the things you have said now a necklace to keep the gays away. Sir, if you have forgot they are humans, not zombies. As the bible says We are to love our neighbor. To pray for one another it is not our place to condemn
“You might think it’s only by God’s grace that I have managed to remain straight and healthy through it all”……sounds like someone is questioning their sexuality. And, hey Pat…I LOVE moose semen….give me $600 and I WILL stay away from you.
So who exactly is milking Moose Seamen I mean that sounds pretty Gay to me.
Someone better alert Canada to round up the moose before Pat and his gay band of semen milkers head North.
I am not convinced this is true . I watch his show everyday and I have never seen this. The pictur you have of him is not from today’s show. Why just a still picture? Why don’t you show the video clip; that is what I want to see. I give to his Operation Blessing because only between 0 and 3 % of my donation goes to administrative costs; and they do so much good in this country and around the worls. Please report responsibly; give me the facts and back it up
What’s funny is he thinks he needs it. #sorrynotsorry #youreahomotoo #fabulous#westborocomingforyoutoo
He needs to send a free necklace to Michelle Bachman’s husband!
So, the only way Pat has stayed straight for 83 years is his magic necklace? I thought he could just make the “choice” to be straight?
i want to see this necklace…
Sounds like witchcraft to me.. And should know about witchcraft 😉
One would think his repellent personality would be enough. And that’s the problem with Pat Robertson; you don’t know if it’s real or satire.
thast man is so fucking whacked out of his mind.
DEAR FOLKS I must apologize on behalf of all real christians for this man’s crazy out of line behavior. I can’t say that he is going to hell, but I will question his motivate on why he is doing this. This is not God, God does not make “Gay-Repelling Necklace” nor does God agree with Pat Robertson hate of homosexuals. God loves his creation, God hates all sin. This man is wrong, and I am sorry that he is portraying Jesus like this. Jesus is love, and I am so sorry. Pay no mind to this man, he has given his self authority, no authority comes from God to do what he is doing. Please 4-give him, he does not know what he does.
So, instead of anointing members with olive oil, they should be using moose semen.. And that’s supposed to make me NOT be gay… and they say that GAY marriage will lead to wanting to marry animals.
I think we can also say it’s his lack of good looks that have kept him ‘gay and aids free’ for all these years. Bless his little heart, if he wants to think a necklace repels us then let him personally this old fool couldn’t get a date in a brothel.
Describing the method by which he has remained “straight and AIDS-free” throughout his long preaching career Robertson said that,”…since 1969, he’s been wearing an “anti-sodomite” necklace, which, according to Robertson, “repels homosexuals and other queers, and keeps [him] free of their abhorrent lifestyles and gay diseases.”.
OMG…this flake has been harboring kryptonite against gays and lesbians since 1969 and has never revealed that he had these superpowers until now. I mean he could have made a “Killing for Christ” if he had had the marketing sense to have partnered with, say, Chic-Fil-A to include this little power gem within every purchase of a Chic-Filet-A “Hate Meal”.
But, seriously, I have to wonder….what would actually happen to old reliable Pat if his lucky charm became lost or stolen. Would we be prepared to handle the instant transformation and coming out of his long time pent up and repressed self?
Thankfully, if he should ever lose it there are plenty of cheap trinkets from China that may fool him into keeping the real Pat Robertson repressed until he expires.
Dam that was the problem this whole time……I turned out this way cause I wasn’t wearing my neckless!!!
What a total fool. When you start believing your own B.S. you have some serious problems Mr. Robertson.
And here is my arugument as to why these people need to be taxed until they scream.
Seriously? Whats with these tv evangilists. That necklace crap sounds like the scam Ive gltgen three times about $10,000.00 grant I dont have to repay from the Federal Reserve. I just need to make a small donation to their charity to release the check. Unbelieveable. Pat, you need to retire and actually read the Bible.
Moose Seman, seems his choice is bestiality! And he’s sated, so now the Gays are safe once again!
You just can’t make this sh*t up! He’s decompensating fast!
Really????? Pat Robertson, you are a DISGRACE to God loving people everywhere. I have very close friends who are gay and lesbian and I am HAPPILY MARRIED TO MY WIFE!!!!! I think its time to retire and go away.
Omg somebody have to be a mental retarded to believe in all that crap. That guy is sick. What a pathetic way to steal people’s money.
I think it would be more effective worn around his gonads.
Oh dahling BOB, just the sound of your name is enough repellant for all the gays/homosexuals.
So much for having “faith in The Lord”.
Aw, shut up, Robertson, and fade into the woodwork.
Are you kidding me?
If one can’t afford to buy the necklace, could we make our own? I don’t have any moose semen around, but I could probably rustle up some Moose Drool beer. Would the blood sacrifice of a good Mormon be efficacious? Barbed wire we’ve got lots of here in Utah.
Are you kidding me? Gays are all Borgia-type ring wearing murderers? A $600 necklace keeps your heterosexuality in check? Do you need a necklace to stay straight? I don’t have one and I’ve managed not to go gay; it really wasn’t much of a battle, either. Anybody who fears that gays are coming after their heterosexuality has got to be a) a latent homosexual and b) guano psychotic!
Does the necklace match our special gay rings that he said we use to give people AIDS? WOW… There is a time when someone takes away his microphone and says “go play with your moose Pat!”
So…lets get this right…he is gay and aids free due to a pagan totem? and how about other sexual deviance, i.e. womanizing, etc. Is that okay, oh yeah I remember, any straying on a man’s part is his wife’s fault. How can this man be taken seriously? He is a JOKE. a scary joke that all Christians should be running from.
I think he need to retire! God is in control ofall faucets of life & does not need help from any necklace etc.
Satire or not, this is fucking hilarious! And it doesn’t matter whether or not this is a hoax, it is so like Pat to come out with something as stupid as this.. I was rolling on the floor laughing at this one..
The gays were coming for his heterosexuality? hahahahaha OMFG I haven’t heard something so funny in a long time! So if he took it off, he would be bombarded by gay males like crazy…in other words this guy is a gay magnet safe only but a gay repelling necklace!
Senility is no laughing matter…usually. In this case it really is though. Kharma’s a bitch. Are sure this isn’t from the onion or something?
Aww come on folks. It’s just TEN very simple payments of of 59.99! Sounds like a crack head trying to sell his stolen stereo haha!
I think he’s been playing a little too much Dungeons and Dragons and can no longer tell reality from fantasy.
Does anyone else appreciate the irony that he is saying he has worn his ‘anti-sodomite’ necklace since ’69?
What a fuckin idiot!
Idiot in 1969 and still idiot now.this man should have retired long time ago. Guess he’s needed in society for controversy.
Someone should choke him with necklace already and do the world one hell of a fav.
How can he be 83 years old and still have no sense at all? A million followers…LOL kind of scarey
What a dirt bag hate monger
I still am perplexed as to how this man has not been committed to a Mental Hospital. He is for sure a certified crazy nut job.
Someone tell me whose worse.Earnest aangely or this guy named pat robertson
Isn’t anyone curious about the show facts hide facts buttons?
How is this prejudiced fucking nut job allowed to have a TV show?
omfg, what a god damn pig. Go to fucking hell.
Moose semen? 44 years? All that means is that 44 years ago he was jacking off a MOOSE!
I have my “truth & Knowledge Necklace” to protect me from Pat and his kind.
I don’t think it’s the necklace that repels them…
Really, a Gay repelling necklace? What people won’t believe in.
And Marcus Bachmann hasn’t ‘penetrated’ it? yet?
Time to change Pat’s diapers and put him back in his closet.
This has to be a joke…right!
There should be rules about allowing extreme stupidity on television….seriously people how the hell can a person say ignorant bull shit like this and not be taken off the broadcasting wave for being a complete moron to the point where I question if this guy is even of this planet or dimension…
I would like to thank everyone for your support and loving comments. We all were made different for a reason. People that preach hate.. The devil is a bad spirit that tries to create problems for people. =
He’s been around a long time and this is way far out there even for him. If this is not a spoof, there’s some dementia in the mix.
Ha ha haha ha ha what a two faced thieving twat its about making money for himself WAKE UP AMERICA ….seriously people can’t be that stupid !!
I so love snarkasm. Especially when it is directed at the Grand Pooh Bah of Supply Side Jebus’ Corporate Christianity.
I hope everyone here is kidding because you all just got trolled.
Since being a homosexual is a choice why does Pat Robertson need a necklace to keep gays at bay? Who would want him anyway? moose semen and barbed wire REALLY? I am sorry but as a card carrying gay man I could not stop laughing about the semen and barbed wire then charging followers $600.00 to fuel his money pot is ridiculous and a travesty to legitimate Christians in the world.
pretty sure you are all really.. really….. really stupid if you think this is a real article…
If you believe this then you are as dumb as he is.
I knew there was a reason he did not gets aids, I thought it was condoms. Now for $599.00 plus tax and shipping he will not come close to you.
You know, I am proud to be a Christian. I am not embarrassed by that fact. I refuse to hide it. But every now and then, someone like this clown does something like this. Jesus said that his people will “be a peculiar people”. But I think that in this case the phrase, “a short bus people” would be far more appropriate.
I am wondering who is short on intelligence. This is “satire” news and allows the reader to click on the bottom “Show Facts”…. It basically highlights very little of the article to show what is true. Be responsible readers please!
Religion is one belief that has no limits on ignorance it just keeps growing more ignorant.
This is a funny article, but just be aware that it’s a joke article! Pat Robertson is surely behind the times, which is why this is so brilliant, but there is no “gay repelling necklace” he wears.
Elderly and confused old fool…
What does this magic necklace look like? Anybody know?
He has b e e n sa y I n g crazy stuff for years
The article is fun, but, the Comments are hilarious. I need to read MORE from this web site!
I am a Christian…………and this really shocks me! I feel this is a FALSE TEACHING.
Do you really believe this? How sad…Pat Robertson might have different views than you but this is such a stupid hoax….where is your class?
This is satire, right? o_O
Need links to video.
Text about it is insufficient.
This man is no where near a Christian.
Where is the video?
Please tell me this is a troll article.
satire people… satire…
What an effing IDIOT!!!! BOO BOO! BOO!!!!!!
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Where can I get one?
I question the truthfulness of this story. Attached is a link to a youtube of the 700 club for Aug 28, 2013, There is no mention of the necklace.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqJrZJr9B2Q.
It’s your face and personality, Pat Robertson that has supposedly kept gays away from you!
Could PT Robertson REALLYIND be this stupid? I mean, I know he’s said some crazy things, but shouldn’t this qualify him for a mental institution?
Is it really possible that one man could actually be THAT stupid?
If a necklace is all that keeps Robertson straight and AIDs free he has a major problem. I am talking about a psychological problem.
Why won’t that old fart just die already?
Lmao and my bracelets deflect bullets while my tiara summons my invisible jet. If he believes the jewelry to have powers, is that not false idolry?
Well. Don’t need necklace my self! Tho would likebto see what looks like? Might need it next to my anti racism protection device and anti stupidity ones!
I cant believe the media did not call Robertson a lair. HIV cant live on a ring but for a few min. This whole thing is a scam using peoples ignorance and fear.
Me thinks he doth protest too much…he is probably a closet homosexual!
I’m pretty sure no self-respecting homosexual would touch him
Alright! Everybody listen. PAT ROBERTSON IS NUTS AND YOU KNOW IT!
He is one sick demented soul. God forgive him.
So I reckon it keeps his gay family members a way to ? Come on is this bigot for real.
This man manages to get greedier and dumber by the day.
Where is the video of Pat Robertson saying this, exactly? I’m NOT sticking up for him, but I can’t find evidence of this accusation anywhere on the web. This smacks of satire….
moose semen??????that would b a process
THIS NECKLACE CAN REPEL HOMOSEXUALS SINCE THE MID 60’S FROM ALL AROUND THE WORLD? EVER THINK PAT, IT MIGHT JUST BE YOUR LOOKS? WHERE DO YOU HANG THIS “NECK”LACE? IT HAS KEPT ALL SEXUAL DEGENERATS 29 FEET AWAY FROM YOU? SO THAT TIME I SAW YOU AND LORD LIMBAUGH ARM & ARM AT A FUND RAISER YOU WERE 20 FEET AWAY FROM THIS 4 TIME DIVORCED DRUG DEALER DRUG USER? 20 FEET AWAY FROM TED NUGENT? WHY IS THIS THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE HEARD OF THIS PROTECTION? YOU MEAN ALL OF THESE YEARS YOU KNEW A NECKLACE WOULD KEEP HOMOSEXUALS AWAY FROM US AND OUR CHILDREN, AND YOU DID NOTHING? IF MY CHILD WERE CONVERETED TO THE GAY, I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE YOU, BECAUSE YOU KNEW AND WOULD NOTY SHARE.
Why do extreme evangelicals think that the gays are going to take over the world? If someone knows their straight their straight…you dont need anything to repel it especially Pat Robertson. If gays as a whole could make someone gay it would be Channing Tatum or Keanu Reeves definitely not Pat Robertson…
Not all the stuff written in this website is true. Its satire. But he really did say that supposedly the gay rings will give ppl aids which I don’t think is true
Until religions are taxed like every other business in this country, lunatics like this fool will thrive, spreading hate and collecting millions.
Until religions are taxed like every other business in this country, lunatics like this fool will thrive, spreading hate and collecting millions.
Ten easy payments of $59.99….WOW that is some huge bank that he can now spend on paying all his male escorts…maybe that special rusty barbed wire is what he uses as a cock ring because he is always so angry and in distress and moose semen is what he cleans it with.
Christian’s dont judge or demean….This Christian WONT be watching or following you anymore. BIENG GAY IS NO WORSE SIN THAN JUDGING. ……
Why Moose semen, Pat? Sound gross!! His views repel me!! Maybe his thoughts repels me!
“For only ten easy payments of $59.99, you too can protect yourself from fancy-boy, disease spreading homosexuals,”
Yes boys and girls.. this is a tax free “Religious” group.
I’ll remain Agnostic..where I don’t experience hatred for someone other than myself..he is a sick individual…
Why can’t this fanatical idiot just die or something?? Yes I know it isn’t kind to wish that on anyone but he is one of the main reasons that labels still exist because of his hate preaching.
So sad. He will be held accountable by God someday. It’s disturbing how anyone can become so diluted!
Right, because we all know “hyper masculine materials” have always been known to REPEL homosexuals!
I have a gay brother. He doesnt try to impose his gay lifestyle on me
why are people like him even ALIVE? i suppose God has a plan…
I am curious as to why someone secure in their sexuality would need protection?
Do you think he ever puts in on backwards?
Cadaver sex isn’t just a gay thing, so he isn’t totally safe.
I find this story repugnant and distasteful. This is satire that is hateful and demeaning to the entire gay community and spreads hate among people who don’t realize it is meant (loosely) as humor. I find this disgusting.
now… this is OBVIOUSLY a fraudulent piece of crap… why isn’t the government investigating this??? how many little old ladies and men, i suppose, will be DUPED into buying this crap??
OK, if this is a true story, then this guy is crazy. Just trying to put fear into people and raise money for his cause. People WILL fall for it.
This is satire…a joke…read the whole article! lol
How let allowing people to this way of thinking, being host of a program! I do not know whether to laugh, you mourn, angry, complain me, ignore it.
Gross….may god strike him and his hateful deceitful words down!!!!
I might, not agree with everything he said but I do believe God is not please with the gay lifestyle. Basically, God speaks about it in the Bible.
I respect Pat for standing up for what he believes especially now in a society that praises people for going against God’s Word.
I would like to see the footage of that myself….not just read the “story”….just to verify.
Bizarre
Crazy crazy stuff …
Satirical
Lol good lord
First I’ve EVER heard of this necklace….I’m wondering after reading several other articles if this website isn’t full of shit ! lol
Sorry but this is stupid. There are medical suggestions as to homosexuality. I am heterosexual but have family and friends who are gay. I love them and will til the day i die. Pat Robertson has been blowing smoke for several years. About time he stops and repents for his own sins.
Is this a satire? It cannot be serious!
Well it goes to show you that religion always has a price attached to it. To protect me from Homophobia I use common sense and intelligence. It’s free, except if your homophobic or a religious idiot then I’ll see you a dildo that will protect you for 5 payments of $99.
You have got to be kidding me.. you call yourself a Christian and you are sitting here judging these people and scamming others selling this ridiculous $600 necklace. If you know your scripture you know no sin is worse than the next and judging is a sin… Therefore you my friend are no better than they are in the Lord’s eyes. I respected you until this. Wow… love thy neighbor ALL of them!
10 easy payments of $59.99? That would be $599.90 in total? Well… I hope the anti gay necklace will match your eyes color and make you look like a “macho, macho man… I’ve got to be a nacho man; macho macho man, I wanna be a macho.”
Folks! This is a hybrid news/satire website! Do you know what satire is? Notice the “show facts” and “hide facts” buttons below the picture? Click on “show facts” and it will highlight the portions of the article that are true . . . not much.
I guess he didn’t take into account that perhaps his ugliness is what repels. God knows I’m not wanting to go down on a 83 year old.
I don’t support Robertson but I don’t believe this to be true. If you hit the Show Facts button it will highlight what facts are real!
…and think of all those idiots that are going to shell out $600 for this BS necklace!
well that bitch does have semen around his neck pearl necklace fucker
Wow, do the people who write this trash, just have NO lives, or are they still in elementary school?
This article is false! Pat robertson is a fine christian man and ive watched his show for years!
Why has no gay person filed a lawsuit against this bigot for defamation of character?
I’m laughing at this. If I’m gonna go, I’m going with a smile. Thanks Pat.
Using an amulet and charm necklace to keep” cutting ring wearing homosexuals” away”
I thought witch burning and and witch trials ended in the 1700……?
uh….people…..this is satire….
My gay friends I do believe this man needs a hug 🙂
Pat Robertson is an IDIOT.
Take him Lord it’s time
It’s the American way. Create a need and fill it. No matter how crazy it is – somebody will buy it.
Poor Pat. He has the look in his eyes. he’s gone bananas
I just think it’s awesome that this necklace is apparently the only thing that has kept him from taking a shot in the mouth. Here’s the deal: If you spend your whole life believing and convincing other people there is an invisible man in the sky who tells you what to do, and grants you superpowers, then how far of a leap is it to think moose semen and barbed wire can keep you from being a backdoor ninja? A man who thinks that wearing semen helps make you not gay. If that were true there wouldnt be any gay guys would there?
These homophobic religious, self righteous, biggits have gone too far. All they want is your money, they could care less about God, they just need your money!!!
Pat’s wearing a necklace!!! Now that sounds mighty gay to me!!!
I’ve always said this guy and his accociates where questionable. They nuts finally fell from the tree.
Are people honestly that stupid and ignorant to believe this jerk?
Being a heterosexual will work too
Wow really. Just another ploy to get richer. I’m appalled. I’m hurt. And to think he’s suppose to be a Christian.
He’ll is reserving a place for Pat. He scams money from folks and now he finally went straight thanks to his necklace. What a strange guy he is.
Forgive me for asking, but I wonder if his neckless gets tangled up in his foot while he’s tapping under bathroom walls?
An the ‘secret ingredient’ in the necklace….GARLIC!! That’s right, it not only keeps away the gays, it keeps vampires at bay too!
Is this the Onion?
—————————-
One faith to rule them all
One fool to guide them
One fist to make them crawl
One fear inside them
he used to have millions of followers-now just 1 million and thats mostly inmates in prisons that only get to watch brainwashing crap like he spews out-or drunks who are up late and want a great laugh!
This man is an idiot. First off to flatter himself that any decent respectful Gay Man would even want to touch that wretched body is beyond me. Lord knows he has no balls because he hides behind his version of the Bible on every statement and IF he uses the King James version of the Bible he is following the beliefs of a Male Chauvanist Pig that had only two purposes for women and that was to bare children preferably sons and to take care of the needs of a man. AND I find it disgusting that he makes such remarks as to the spread of HIV /AIDS that are totally off the chart. IF you dont know the facts as to the spread of say HIV then keep your mouth shut. You only amplify fear where there is no need for fear to be experienced. I am a 64 year old Gay Man. I am also HIV+ and a long term survior of 25+ years. So I guess God is in no hurry to get rid of this Gay Man if he has let me live over 25 years with a diagnosis of HIV and by the way I am totally healthy have been undetectable in the virus load of HIV for over 15 years. So I guess this is one Gay Man that lives in God’s light. Pat Roberson’s version of HIV transmission could not be any further from the truth than a gay Man wanting to take Pat Robertson on sexually. Moose urine EWWWW..a bad/cheap cologne would have done it just as well…IGNORANT and peole pay him money to hear him spew his venom..
sat·ire
ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/
noun
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature; More
a play, novel, film, or other work that uses satire.
plural noun: satires
“a stinging satire on American politics”
synonyms: parody, burlesque, caricature, lampoon, skit; More
a genre of literature characterized by the use of satire.
It’s frightening that he really believes this crap.
I was really hoping it was a pearl necklace.
Great idea Pat!…now we need to develop a device to keep our children safe from Pedophile Pastors!!
Lets have a little fun. Someone date the original necklace he claims to be wearing at all times. When was it first produced and by who? Finding the creator of the piece that all of these sale items will have been crafted after (if it exists) will easily debunk his story.
He must have been gay for 39 years.
This has got be a fake story.
The saddest thing about Pat Robertson is that people send him money for validating their own personal hatred of others…BE WORRIED ABOUT THE CHRISTIANS WHO BELIEVE THAT HOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE SHOULD BE DICTATED BY THEIR BELIEFS AND NOT YOUR OWN.
Let’s all blame Pat, instead of the world and country that tells him it’s ok to worship the god of the bible that instructs to murder gays.
Sad. You people are all in need of a savior. Let Jesus in and you will look back on all the things you say and do and be so glad to be free of it all. Your shackled by what the world tells you is okay.
This guy is a total whach job. Old and senile!
SERIOUSLY PAT ROBERT’S???? MOOSE SEMEN?!?!
This ingredient wards off or should I say prevents you from being or turning gay.
Sounds like Witch Craft to me!
Whatever happen to good old southern down home preachin??? Talking about how Heaven is real, and how He’ll and Hade are real an preaching on Sodom and Ghomorrah????
I’m sure wearing a T- shirt with Pat’s likeness would work really, really good!
Its just another way to get peoples money. Religion is a business and its a big business.
Stupidassclown! Stupid is as Sarah Palin says! “The Toad” doesn’t know where his “roots” are from…. go back! Go Back! Fool! Always knew those drugs rotted his “brain!” Go Back Pale-face to wherever your elk crawled from back there somewhere before….Europe or Africa! Chuck a spear, fool! Dang! Just His appearance gives that away! Just how low, slimy low has FAUX NUZZ dropped? Yeah! another fine example of FAUX NUZZ crud! That is a “brain” on drugs or still working off the effects from heavy use! Did the “catass scratch fool” really say that on FAUX NUZZ, or was he taken out of the context even on Ol’Rupp’s organ? Sarah Palin isn’t American either! That neo-European slav there!
What a wonderful feeling of knowing god wants you cut by barbed wire and infected by moose semen around your neck. So he knows he has absolute control over your life.
at least 1 mln retarded americans who watch his show and give him money. A great country for retards indeed.
I need a necklace that repels Christian bigoted fucktards!!
Now he reveals his witchcraft.
There you go! It’s all about money. That’s Mr Robinson’s modus operandi.
If it has a picture of him on it it just might work. Then again , at his age, Im sure the smell of urine works as well.
Once again, he shown the purpose of his religion; to make MONEY! That is all he is interested in. He could care less if the world goes up flames as long as he gets his cash first.
No self respecting gay person would go near him and take a chance that his hateful intolerance would rub off on them.
Ummm? Does this talisman of his not equate to sorcery? I read somewhere in the Bible that such things require a stoning. The best thing about a stoning is that you don’t need to be close to him to do it! Rendering his foul Barbwire/Moose Semen Horcrux + 3 against homo’s useless.
If Robertson sad this on his televlsion program why is there no video of this?
With a face and personality like that he really does not need any repellent!
I can only guess he had no confidence in a wearing a Christian Cross/medal.
Wonder what his anti black necklace is made of……? Also, I say anyone afraid of being converted has already been converted….by God, and is struggling with it……
JUST ENOUGH NEWS…Newslo is the first hybrid News/Satire platform on the web. Readers come to us for a unique brand of entertainment and information that is enhanced by features like our fact-button, which allows readers to find what is fact and what is satire.
Newslo’s “No Need to Satirize” brings you completely factual stories that are so ridiculous, they don’t need our trademark touch. Whenever you see #NNTS, you’re reading COMPLETELY real news that only seems too absurd to be true.
Pat Robertson I have been a loyal watcher of the 700 club for the past 5 years. now that I know that you could have chase the gays out of America and essentially saved us from the homosexual infestation of AIDS since 69 and didn’t. I will never watch your show again.
Millions of wack jobs like him really listen to this magical BS. That’s what ruining the country not gay people.
SEND ME LOTS OF MONEY, AND I WILL SEND YOU A PAT ROBERTSON REPELLING NECKLACE, BUT WAIT SEND RIGHT AWAY, AND YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE ‘FREE ‘EARRINGS , JUST PAY SEPARATE SHIPPING AND HANDLING!
The only thing he offers is infecting people with his lies. It’s a shame the people he has soaked out of millions. He’s like in the old days nothing but a snake oil seller
After reading the article I gather that Pat would be a homo if it wasn’t for the good grace of god and his neccklace. bbwwaahahaha
Moose semen around your neck sounds pretty gay to me. Are you endorsing beastiality
My Husband killed a moose in Alaska. He was right next to moose semen.
Nothing manlier than ejaculate from an animal.
people are commenting on this as if it’s not satire
He should just suck a dick and relax
So, you old fart, Patricio Robertson, you are still the most atrocious so called Christian pastor to your sheep; that you are still uttering lies and unreasonable statements; So much so, that once you said: ‘Many of those people involved with Hitler were Satanists, and many were homosexuals?” But you conveniently forgot that Hitler himself was first catholic? And that he actually launched his persecution of the Jews, in the name of the Christian/catholic bible? You hypocrite. You old fool. I think is time for you to return to become the virus and matter that you were before beautiful life began in the primordial soup of the ancient hot seas.
What STRAIGHT AND AIDS FREE ….there are more straight people walking around with the aids virus than gays…by the way is GAYNESS even a real word..seriously it takes a talisman around his neck to stop him from thinking about becoming gay..wth and if he really read the bible one should not worship an idol but the word of God …I could be the nurse that saves his life one day ,maybe even mouth to mouth cpr, but I’m gay so that talisman might just keep me at least 10 feet from him…. lol
What I want to know is why does this guy need a necklace to remain hetro ?
I mean even if his morbidly insane idea about these rings were true, all it could do is perhaps give you aids ( and yeah I know, it probably wouldnt, Im just making an example here) , nothing can MAKE you gay unless you’re leaning that way yourself. I think the fact that he needs an outside influence to keep him from ” being gay” speaks volumes. I have no doubt at all a younger Pat Robertson would have been spying on the boys locker room instead of the girls.
And his hateful snide anti anyone but himself attitude has had NOTHING to do with people not coming “within 20 feet of him? Yeah. Sure. If that necklace is something he believes in the. He believes in magic and that according to the far right is blasphemis in itself. Hypocrites gonna hate.
This article is so UNTRUE that it’s almost funny! Pat Robertson is a true servant of God with much integrity, and would NEVER say such a ridiculous thing. Amazing the length people will go to discredit Christians because of their own SICK thinking! It’s simply too sad…
Oh, so anybody not wearing his anti-queer necklace might be subject to becoming queer? or might succumb to allowing a queer to take him to bed? That finally explains how there are so few queers running around…All the heterosexual Christians wearing those necklaces don’t switch…. hmmmm.
So he is putting his faith in something/someone other then God but yet he preaches Gods words and execepts otherd to believe….
For a cheaper alternative, this one will do the same thing. I swear. http://shop.hrc.org/jewelry-watches/for-the-neck/hrc-hand-in-hand-pendant.html
I so much want to run up to him in public, grab his crotch, kiss him square on the lips and say, “Pat, your necklace is just a crock of shit and doesn’t work!”
Pat Robertson is making references to the Pearl Necklaces he gets from his little boy toy hustler buddies …
The use of a talisman totally contradicts his alleged faith and beliefs so, sure he’s gonna use it any way he can to make a fast buck off his “Christian” marks.
I have been around and worked with gays for many years. In all that time I never “caught” anything I didn’t have a voodoo necklace
Anybody that would believe this kinda crap is neither a (Christian) or a child in God. All people are Gods Children, He is not partial . This man is an Idiot.
That’s all very well, but what will protect us from lunatics like Robertson?
LOL! seriously time to get this guy a show on The comedy Network…HA HA HA! Oh MY GOD, Laugh My Ass off!
Hmmmmmm to bad that 10 payments of $59.99 could not shield him from stupidity. What an idiot
You idiots it’s a fake story!
Damn I can’t believe people actually believe this….
Oh wait Obama is president…never mind
All for the low, low price of $600…assembly of god required. So if this is what has kept him straight and protected all these years, does this mean he is really gay? Jacktard.
It’s sold right next to the snake oil and tinfoil hats. Hurry, because they’re going fast.
If life was like Star Trek we could reverse the polarity of the necklace and it would repel fscktard Xians.
So in order to get the semen do you think Pat jerks off the moose, or blows them but doesn’t swallow???
Pat Robertson: “You will be infected with AIDS and therefore burn in hell forever, unless you give me 600$!” Fucking Greedy craven!
It couldn’t be that “gays” stay 20 feet away from him because of his repellent personality….
Pat, you’re a piece of shit. I can’t wait to celebrate your painful death. Your god hates you.
He is trying to make money he is a fraud. He is the one that prefers walking around with semen wrapped around his neck. No a gay guy.
If it’s meant to keep the gay men away, it should be made of moose knuckles and camel toes.
So if I buy one (a card carrying homosexual), will I spontaneously combust?
Pat needs to have someone put him in a Mental Hospital.
A “gay-repellent necklace” would be anything from Kay Jewellers.
I better buy one of these for my drag shows!
Um…is this one for real?! Must read up on the site…
Pat, gays aren’t vampires.
Now does anyone see that he needs to be committed?
Total satire, but I could see this being true.
Is it bad that my first thought was “is it cute?”
Pathetic, senile old fart!
When is this old fart gonna drip dead?
What a blabbering fucking idiot!
It isn’t made of vaginas?!
special kind of stupid
Jesus Christ this guy is crazy!
Who’s the designer?!
Do I smell garlic?
Nuts!
If u ever even think about buying this old gay hating on guys ring or anything I hope he reads this fuck ure life for saying that stupid bill shit go kill ure self for that fucking judgemental bastered
Do any of you realize this is a fake news article? This website is full of satire.
Is he for real? Wow, just wow.
Jesus wept
I wonder what he did for that moose, to get the semen…
he wears a necklace containing semen….. a little gay, don’tcha think?
$600 per necklace? You know this is a joke, right?
Is this from The Onion?
Click on the “Show Facts” button. This isn’t true at all.
He’s so gay! We know Pat!
he doesn’t need a necklace, Look At his face, No gay man would want to do that!
Guessing it’ll be a Pearl Necklace Pat……..no?
If it works it works.
Will someone please let Pat onto the secret that he lost it years ago.
“anti gay necklace” ..this guys fucked in the head , “10 payments of $59.99…con <–,
Pat Robertson you simple minded iddiot
Oh thank you Pat Robinson, your work is finally done. Please, Please everyone pray to God to call Pat home, Your work is finally done.
Bahahahaha
Omg we living in the stone age?
Pat please retire gracefully and quietly and never let us hear from you again.
I almost called an ambulance. I laughed so hard, I think I pulled something.
oh honey, it wasn’t the necklace that kept us away.
geez– the stupidity is astounding…
Im going to invent the Pat Robertson repelling necklace! Its going to give off the odor of taint! Back off Robertson, step away from the gay!
This is one sick old man.
Pat it ain’t a necklace it’s you! You reak of bigotry and lies. Beware false prophet! You better get right with Jesus
Everything on this site is garbage
Absolute bs
Funny, funny satire! Be sure to hit the Show Facts bar at the top to see the nonsense he actually did spout.
If homosexuals were killers we’d all be in jail…or we’d have been sentenced to death row. So you’re calling teens who come to realize they are homosexuals killers? How can we be killers if we never killed anyone to begin with. I don’t know about other homosexuals but I’m a homosexual and I’ve never killed.
He thinks we r a bunch of fools!
I think that he is just crazy and he does not know the jesus of the Bible. so everyone who listens to him needs to be careful because he may bring you to hell with him. for real
This should be reported to the BBB
I got no love for Pat robertson…hes a jerk and a bigot…but this article is bullshit …its all lies ….the person who wrote it is no betetr than robertson himself
Wonder how much he is selling them for. Always an out her huckster among the. holy….
SHAME ON U PAT R, I THROUGHT U WERE A MAN ABOU
T GOD,
Really? A material object is more powerful than God? In addition if he’s so concerned about keeping the “Evil Gays” away, he should be giving these necklaces away.
Interesting because I literally just created an uber Gay rainbow-colored rubber cock ring scented with lots of peacock semen and wrapped in silk that’s *****GUARANTEED***** to repel closeted old men and preachers. For only ONE payment of $9.99 plus S&H, you can be wearing yours freely and openly in no time!
Walking by a church and see priests talking?
NO PROBLEM!
They run away like vampires from garlic!
Got a old fundaMENTAList man who’s preaching at the bus stop?
NO PROBLEM!
Just whip it out and watch him run away screaming like a big nelly!
Order now within the next 10 seconds and for only $100, we’ll throw in a ring filled with real bullshit that’s *****GUARANTEED***** to jolt their brain and make them realize their stupidity when you shake their hand or pat them on the back with it. The needle on the end is so fine that they won’t realize they were pricked by a home-o-sec-shoo-al!
Please, help me sell these as the world needs to know how to protect themselves from the incredible tyranny and ignorance of the judgMENTALly self-righteous!!!
HURRY AND ORDER NOW AS SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED!!!
Jesus will you just die already and do the world a fucking favor
https://books.google.ca/books?id=tmFJ1LhbVWcC&pg=PT799&lpg=PT799&dq=are+there+homosexual+moose&source=bl&ots=RYRvHCNZWz&sig=FwuO102rKL903kpXyo-_HBCvGIs&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CDMQ6AEwBGoVChMIroutxfyayQIVjB2UCh3uawpT#v=onepage&q=are%20there%20homosexual%20moose&f=false
https://books.google.ca/books?id=tmFJ1LhbVWcC&pg=PT799&lpg=PT799&dq=are+there+homosexual+moose&source=bl&ots=RYRvHCNZWz&sig=FwuO102rKL903kpXyo-_HBCvGIs&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CDMQ6AEwBGoVChMIroutxfyayQIVjB2UCh3uawpT#v=onepage&q=are%20there%20homosexual%20moose&f=false
So what?
So what?
He’s using seamen and barbed wire to repel us? LMAO!
Look, we all know this guy is a nut, and I suppose anything is possible, but I simply don’t believe this story w/out empirical evidence!
Look, we all know this guy is a nut, and I suppose anything is possible, but I simply don’t believe this story w/out empirical evidence!
So let me get this straight, no pun intended. He is so afraid that a gay person will cause him to become gay that he wears a necklace that will keep them away? Wouldn’t his face do the same thing?
So let me get this straight, no pun intended. He is so afraid that a gay person will cause him to become gay that he wears a necklace that will keep them away? Wouldn’t his face do the same thing?
Snake oil salesman.
Snake oil salesman.
Despite the fact that anybody who falls for this nonsense must be dumb as a stick, it’s still not right for this charlatan to take their money. I would say shame on you Pat Robertson, but i don’t think he has any capacity for that,.
Despite the fact that anybody who falls for this nonsense must be dumb as a stick, it’s still not right for this charlatan to take their money. I would say shame on you Pat Robertson, but i don’t think he has any capacity for that,.
I’m God, I’m here on Earth, and I have nothing against the gay and lesbian community.
http://www.facebook.com/Trinity6III
http://www.facebook.com/christian.dt.6
https://www.facebook.com/Fear.God.and.Death
http://god-the-trinity.tumblr.com/
http://godthetrinity.blogspot.ca/
I’m God, I’m here on Earth, and I have nothing against the gay and lesbian community.
http://www.facebook.com/Trinity6III
http://www.facebook.com/christian.dt.6
https://www.facebook.com/Fear.God.and.Death
http://god-the-trinity.tumblr.com/
http://godthetrinity.blogspot.ca/
LOL
LOL