Paul Ryan: “International Women’s Day Is Just A Conspiracy To Take Away Men’s Right To Decide On The Fate Of Their Fetus”

The reviews of Paul Ryan’s healthcare reform bill are rolling in, and they are not good. In fact, Ryan’s callous, disingenuous proposal doesn’t just take healthcare away from millions of poor people. TrumpCare also quietly eviscerates abortion rights in the United States – not by making the procedure illegal, but by making it functionally impossible to pay for. The GOP has long threatened to defund Planned Parenthood, but this time around, they are trying to keep their efforts to do so under the radar. The bill prohibits states from paying subsidies to a “prohibited entity,” a term defined to mean that any entity that “provides for abortions” other than those performed in the case of rape or incest, or when the mother’s health is in jeopardy.

It’s pretty obvious what the endgame here is; however, Ryan, in his unique fashion, doesn’t seem to know when to stop. Just recently, in an interview with Internet portal, he argued that the International Women’s Day was “just a feminist conspiracy” designed to take away men’s right to have a say in the future (or the lack of) of their fetuses. “My bill is simply meant to counteract the effects of the widespread, global conspiracy of male emasculation,” Ryan said. “Think of it as a tiny cog in a great, big machine spearheaded by President Donald Trump. We intend to restore the rights of men in America to what they used to be. That being said, my bill is just the first step in the long process. We’re also thinking about raising taxes on importing skinny jeans and cosmetics for men, but we’ll see.”

Ryan also added that he “firmly” believes the father of an unborn child “has absolutely equal rights that pertain to the future of the fetus,” regardless of the fact that, “biologically speaking, it’s housed inside the mother.” “That’s nothing more than an evolutionary advantage women have somehow developed in order to be able to control men. I’m not an anthropologist, but I’m told that, biologically speaking, human females would have laid eggs if they could have somehow been certain the father would stay alongside them for the duration of the hatching,” he revealed. “But, since that’s not how men are wired to work, they forced themselves to follow the path of all mammals and carry unborn children in their wombs for nine months, thus ensuring their partners stay with them out of concern for their and the baby’s health.”

“And it’s precisely because of that that we today have the so-called International Women’s Day, when women are supposed to be showered with gifts and whatnot. In reality, it’s a global conspiracy designed to further put down men throughout the world and demonstrate women’s supremacy over their partners when it comes to deciding what to do with fetuses. Hence, my bill was written in part to show women that we know what they’re up to and that it’s not going to work, and in part as a call to the men in America to grow a pair and start taking responsibility for placing a bun in the oven, if you catch my drift. One shouldn’t run away from that,” Ryan concluded.