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Phil Robertson Heads to Iraq to Convert ISIS to Christianity

  • September 4, 2014
  • News Lo
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BAGHDAD – Phil Robertson, founder of the Duck Dynasty branding empire and patriarch of the famed Robertson family, today embarked on a “missionary trip” to northern Iraq in an apparent attempt to convert members of the radical Islamist group ISIS to Christianity. Robertson told reporters that he will attempt to convert ISIS peacefully, but admitted that he</> is “personally…prepared” to engage in firearm battles with the group if “Bible study” fails.

“It’s time these terrorists find the one true light of God, and I’m the man to show ‘em it,” Robertson said before departing from the Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana early Thursday morning. “My deep learnin’ on all things Bible-related makes me an ideal messenger of God’s love—and if that fails, my skills with a rifle will help me show them God’s wrath, instead.”

Close observers of Robertson will not be surprised by his latest move. On Sean Hannity’s Fox News show Tuesday night, Robertson made his views on ISIS clear, insisting that, according to his reading of the Bible, ISIS members and perhaps all Muslims must choose between conversion to Christianity and death. “I think you either have to convert them … or kill them. One or the other,” Robertson mused.

Robertson will land in Baghdad’s “Green Zone” late Friday night. From there, he will be escorted to Iraq’s northern Kirkuk province and dropped off to begin his missionary work. A spokesman said the Robertson will carry only a Bible, an AR-15 rifle, and a bag of duck jerky along the way.

“The world is tired of ISIS’s brand of brutal intolerance, killing people just because they don’t agree with their version of religion,” Robertson said. “They’ll give up that lifestyle real quick once I arrive in their midst. That, or meet their maker.”

The Department of Defense reportedly granted Robertson clearance to make the trip after deciding that he and ISIS “seem to have more in common than meets the eye,” and felt confident that it would be an “interesting meeting.”

“The chances of someone involved getting beheaded seem high,” Deputy Secretary of Defense Robert Work said. “Nonetheless, we’re just going to sit back and see how this one unfolds.”

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  • Duck
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  • Newslo
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18 comments
  1. Jay Billingsley says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    did obama help arrange this trip? he may be the next man we see in an orange jumpsuit. i really doubt he has the balls to get off of the base though. he just like to talk like he is a big brave duck hunter.

  2. Mark Johnson says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    Best of luck but you don’t need to go there they are all ready here

  3. Geraldine Kalman says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    “The world is tired of ISIS’s brand of brutal intolerance, killing people just because they don’t agree with their version of religion>>>>>>Isn’t that exactly what this asshole proposes to do?

  4. Owen Doubleday says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    Ohhh if only this was true

  5. Robert MacDonald says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    Got a feeling he’s gonna get a hair cut, ’bout 10 inches from the top.

  6. Danielle Kichler says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    Dammit, don’t get my hopes up!

  7. Louise Dickinson says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    i would love to watch them try …i would even do the fund raising to pay for their one way tickets .. they would shit their pants in the face of violence . they can hurt and bully defenceless animals but, you know in the face of real danger historically americans are unreliable and unless and they run away .. because they are COWARDS

  8. Robert Kozik says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    No really I mean it… Good luck with that…. WELL… BYE!

    http://youtu.be/i0BTdo6qGwo

  9. Jhon Kaminsky says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    sharmuta man????

  10. Jeff Elletson says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    He’s even dumber than his religious zealotry suggests. Has he lost his head…yet?

  11. George Schmitt says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    I wish all these big mouthed republican bullys would take an ak-47 and head to the hot spots in the middle east that their hero Bush II got us into. They may go but I wouldn’t bet that they will come home. Especially if they try to prothesize these religious nuts into Christianity. They eat Christians for breakfast. Better look out Robertson, they may want your Duck Jerky! Pow!

  12. David Freeman says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    In this case, shit in one hand and wish into the other & see witch one fills up first.

  13. Jay Billingsley says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    they might just mistake him for osama bin laden. they look a lot alike.

  14. Kim Connell says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    Hope he doesn’t “lose” his head trying.

  15. Mike Marler says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    They wouldn’t be famous if the WWE was on the other channel

  16. Jane Baskwill says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    Well, if he does go, he’ll be coming home in a box.

  17. Kristie Kunau Stafford says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    LOL.

  18. Charles Donnelly says:
    March 27, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    maybe they’ll cut off his head

Comments are closed.

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