Police: Man Who Crashed Car into Wal-Mart Was Trying to Protest Something or Other

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Police investigating a March 31 incident in which a man crashed his car through a Wal-Mart storefront and began attacking people inside say that the suspect, Haamid Ade Zaid, was trying to protest “something or other” by careening into the San Jose store. “At this time, it’s unclear why, exactly, Mr. Zaid was so unhappy with the Wal-Mart Corporation,” said a spokesperson for the California State Police. “We do know that this was some sort of protest—but frankly, there are so many things he might have been protesting, it’s hard to narrow it down to just one.”

Mr. Zaid reportedly admitted in interrogations that he was extremely angry with Wal-Mart when he decided to drive his car into one and mercilessly beat the people inside. But police failed to elicit a single, specific grievance Mr. Zaid had with the multinational corporation that would explain or justify his actions. “He’s definitely mad at Wal-Mart,” police said. “But the suspect seems to have been overwhelmed by all of the Wal-Mart-related issues to protest, and may have short-circuited.”

Indeed, criticisms of Wal-Mart are considerable. “Maybe he was mad about Wal-Mart’s practice of paying its workers poverty-level wages,” police said. “Or he might have been upset by their dealings with suppliers who use slave labor. Or perhaps Mr. Zaid wanted to throw a spotlight on Wal-Mart’s predatory pricing record, or its long history of aggressively crowding out mom-n’-pop stores, or its alleged bribery and cover up in Mexico, or its incidents of wage-theft, or its tax evasion, or its poor environmental record. Or maybe he just has something against everyday low prices.”

Police psychologists are reportedly evaluating Mr. Zaid in an attempt to uncover his true motives. “The suspect did a lot of damage and hurt a number of people during this protest,” police said. “We’d like to know why, so that this community can just move on and get back to shopping.”