Pope Agrees With Scientific Theory On Origin Of Universe; Also Admits To “Altar Boys Having A Particular Charm After All”

It would seem that the truth is finally out there – the reconciliation of the Church and science appears to be imminent, as “pope Francis adopts the scientific views on how the universe came to be.

““When you read about creation in the first book of the Bible, Genesis, you run the risk is of imagining God as a magician, with a magic wand that’s able to do anything. But, that is not so”, the pope stated openly and in direct contradiction of the beliefs of creationists.

“The pope also stated: “the Big Bang theory does not contradict the creative intervention of God; on the contrary – it requires it”.
“In addition to endorsing the Big Bang theory as the only theory that truly explains how the universe was created, Pope Francis also dealt with an issue that’s been troubling the Catholic Church for years now.

“Let it be known that every single one of Christ’s children in his green Earth must repent for their sinful actions, should they ever want to see the gates of Eden”, he stated. “By this, I particularly mean dignitaries of the Church and all those who, in their quest to serve God, have fallen to the temptations of Satan and have molested young children in God’s houses around the world”, the pope frowned while pronouncing these words.

“Although”, he unexpectedly continued, “I must admit that there is something special about a young altar boy wearing a robe. I would certainly never do something of the sort, but I cannot say I don’t understand priests around the world who have taken vows of celibacy, but were powerless at the charms of innocent, young catholic boys”, he finished.

Reports say that pope Francis also continued by saying “a Catholic priest, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar, and…” but was interrupted by the security, in an attempt to save him from embarrassing himself further. Dementia doesn’t seem to choose its victims, after all…