Pope to Lobby for NAMBLA

VATICAN CITY — NAMBLA has announced the hiring of recently retired Pope, and former Hitler Youth member, Joseph Ratzinger, as their Chief Lobbyist.

“Joe’s tired of the anti-pedophile lobby and the way they dismantled his Church,” said George Lawrence, head of NAMBLA, the National Man Boy Love Association, whose mission is to legalize “consensual” relations between men and boys. “When he resigned, we immediately used our contacts within the Church to setup a meeting with him, and he didn’t even hesitate.”

Ratzinger, who served as Pope for less than ten years, said he was passionate about defending the rights of Men and Boys who love one another in a healthy, God-fearing union. “I myself was certainly never into boys,” said the former Pope. “But as a friend to many boy lovers, I understand their pain and persecution. Jesus would never have stood for that.”

Asked if he thought pedophilia was possibly harmful to the psychology or well-being of children, given the amount of scientific research on the subject of sexual abuse, the Pope smiled. “Punishment is part of any boy’s upbringing, and so if that’s what it takes to instill the fear of God into a young man, then so be it.”

NAMBLA members were elated at the former Pope’s new position within the organization, with many members commenting on his enormous influence and “endowment as a world leader.” As one member said, “If the Pope can’t get our laws passed, then no one can. I’m talkin’ to you, Bieber!”

The former Pope’s new lobbying position will officially be named, “Pope of NAMBLA,” and will afford him the power to bless organization members, pardon individuals for their sins, and negotiate with the FBI on matters of surveillance within the organization.