Pope to Release Vatican Bloopers DVD

ROME — Faced with record criticism over his mishandling of sexual abuse allegations against Catholic priests, His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI will attempt to mitigate the negativity by releasing a new DVD of hilarious, never-before-seen bloopers from Vatican City. “Cardinal Errors: Volume 1” showcases all of the slips, trips, missteps, and wacky antics that go on behind the stained glass windows at the world’s most pious site.

The DVD promises 90 minutes of knee-slapping outtakes and wacky venial sins from some of the holiest men in the world. “I now pronounce you, man and man,” says Archbishop Timothy Dolan, before chuckles from the altar-boys make him realize his mistake.

Church fanatics flocked to Youtube to watch advance previews of papal mayhem from the upcoming series. “Holy crap, this is awesome” exclaimed lifelong Catholic Diana Martellini. “The Church is really withholding nothing here.”

For years, the Vatican has made videos of day prayer services and masses available for viewing online, but the DVD marks the first time anyone outside of a close-knit circle of high cardinals and bishops is able to see the fallible side of the formerly infallible institution, complete with rollicking commentary by His Eminence himself.

If strong sales numbers hold up to forecast, the Vatican plans on releasing future volumes of bloopers and pranks, featuring even more holy hilarity. “We have hours of this shit down in the Papal Vault,” bragged Archbishop Angelo Amato. “It’s right next to the kiddy porn.”