Progressive Art Teacher Prefers Term “African-American Pencils”

BROOKLYN, N.Y.—Just four years ago, many heralded the election of President Barack Obama as the start of a post-racial America. But troubling incidents like the one that occurred Thursday morning at the Greenpoint Waldorf School serve to remind us that the quest for racial harmony is far from over.

According to school administrators, art teacher Miss Amber was shocked to overhear second-grader Byron Thomas refer to the popular writing implements as “colored pencils.”

“That’s very offensive,” Miss Amber reportedly scolded. “We say ‘African-American pencils’ in this classroom or ‘pencils of color.’”

Miss Amber says she prides herself on promoting diversity in the classroom. “We celebrate our differences in this class,” says Miss Amber. “That’s why we have whole wheat and original pasta for macaroni pictures.”

When reached for comment, Principal Corwin Douglas said the school takes this matter very seriously. “I have no idea where Byron learned language like that, but clearly we need to be more proactive in promoting empathy in our student body. We’re currently in the process of redacting ‘niggardly’ from our dictionaries and putting finishing touches on our Columbus Day apology letters.”

In response to the incident, Miss Amber says she will be removing all the peach crayons from the classroom to encourage students to draw more ethnically-diverse family portraits.

“I love Miss Amber’s inclusive spirit,” said one anonymous parent, “but it’s a private school in a post-gentrification neighborhood—all the families are peach.”