Race of Mole People Discovered Beneath California, Already Making Clothes for Disney

ANAHEIM, Calif. — The dust had barely settled from the devastating factory collapse in Bangladesh when Disney announced that they will be moving all their manufacturing out of the region. The company did not reveal where they would be moving to, and speculation over an even cheaper workforce stirred the discourse.

Newslo has confirmed that Disney is in fact moving manufacturing back to American soil, or underneath it, as the case happens to be. A previously undiscovered race of mole people is reportedly churning out Disney merchandise underneath the corporation’s flagship amusement park.

Believed to be descendants of unclaimed children lost in Disney Land, the mole people number in the thousands and have perfectly adapted to surviving in dark, confined tunnels beneath the park. The constant rattle of rides above them has made them impervious to industrial noise and constant tunnel digging has given them a natural aptitude for manual labour. Their language consists solely of words from the lyrics of “It’s a Small World After All”.

Upon hearing of the discovery, anthropologists have expressed concern that the natural traits of the mole people are being exploited for manufacturing, no matter how suited to the task they may be, and have called for a halt of the practice until further studies can be made.

A spokesperson for Disney, attempting to sooth the concerns, announced, “The little guys want to work, we are just providing them with the opportunity.”

A spokes-mole-person echoed the sentiment, saying, “It’s a small world after all.”

Not all companies have taken the underground road in their manufacturing practices. PVH, the parent company of Tommy Hilfiger and Calvin Klein, and others have pledged to stay on and signed on to an NGO-led program to improve fire safety and working conditions in Bangladesh, where another fire claimed eight lives earlier this week. May 15 is the proposed deadline for other companies to pledge their support.