Red Dawn Remake Accidentally Endorses Terrorism

LOS ANGELES — After viewing a matinee showing of “Red Dawn” with his family Sunday, the film’s director, Dan Bradley, was reportedly struck by the undeniable sense that he had inadvertently made a movie endorsing international terrorist group al-Qaeda.

The film—a remake of the 1984 Cold War favorite of the same name— follows a plucky group of idealistic resistance fighters, the Wolverines, as they attempt to repel foreign invaders on their home soil. While the film features North Korean forces invading the United States, Bradley says the similarities to the Iraqi insurgency and Taliban are “embarrassingly transparent.”

“You get so inside your own head and the project you think you’re making,” explained Bradley, “then you take a step back and realize you’ve basically made Al-Qaeda your heroes.”

The Wolverines, led by marine Jed Eckert (Chris Hemsworth), rely on improvised explosives, ambushes and snipers to pick at the technologically-superior intruders. Given the clear parallels between the tactics used by America’s enemies in the Middle East and those employed by the film’s protagonists, Bradley says he’s surprised no one mentioned this before.

“I looked around the theater and nobody seemed to notice,” said Bradley. “People even cheered when the Wolverines detonated a roadside bomb, flipping an enemy Humvee. I have no idea how I didn’t see this earlier.”

Particularly damning in Bradley’s eyes is an early training montage in which the zealous, nationalist fighters run through an obstacle course of car tires and monkey bars.

“When we were shooting that scene, it did feel strangely familiar,” said Hemsworth in an interview with Rotten Tomatoes. “I figured it was just an homage to the original.”

For now, the film’s creators are doing all that they can to dispel rumors of any treasonous intentions.

“I knew we didn’t make the most subtle movie in the world,” conceded executive producer Kevin Halloran, “but I at least thought we made a patriotic, ham-fisted movie.”

“I really hope no one notices,” said Bradley. “This is the kind of thing that gets you in an orange jumpsuit on a flight to Gitmo.”

Added Bradley, “I love America. I—I don’t endorse terrorism. You have to believe me.”