Relations Frosty in Scalia-Thomas Household After Court Backs Collecting DNA After Arrrest

WASHINGTON — Friends of Supreme Court Justices Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia have confirmed that things are tense in the home shared by the justices.

Ever since Thomas sided with the conservative wing of the court and agreed that people can be swabbed for DNA after being arrested without being charged or convicted constituted a legal search, relations between the two have deteriorated rapidly at home.

“At a dinner party two nights ago, Antonin slammed Clarence’s dinner plate down pretty hard on the table — it was super awkward, but of course, no one said anything,” remarked a guest who had been at the party, speaking on the condition of anonymity.

Another friend, privy to the justices’ relationship, noted, “It’s rare for Scalia and Thomas to break ranks, or for Scalia to side with the liberal wing of the court, but it’s happened a couple times before, and every time it does, things get rough in that household for a while.” The source went on to say, ,“Even though it’s always Antonin who goes off and does his own thing, he punishes Clarence for not coming with him. [The] last time this happened, Clarence found his robes in shreds in the closet, and the time before that, Antonin sabotaged his own birth control. I guess he assumed that if he got pregnant, Clarence couldn’t ever leave him. It was a mess.”

This time, however, Thomas is reportedly fighting back, primarily because Scalia wrote the dissenting opinion rather than just being a member of the opposing team. Scalia’s opinion was apparently “extremely upsetting” to Thomas. Scalia noted: “Today’s judgment will, to be sure, have the beneficial effect of solving more crimes; then again, so would the taking of DNA samples from anyone who flies on an airplane (surely the Transportation Security Administration needs to know the ‘identity’ of the flying public), applies for a driver’s license, or attends a public school.” Thomas, for his part, is reportedly upset with a tone the justice perceived to have been “kind of mean.”

A friend said that Thomas had locked himself in the bathroom for five days, “although it was only on day four that Scalia was able to have Thomas verbally confirm that he was even in there.”