DALLAS – Sources have revealed that Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas) has now garnered the support of three of America’s most lovable icons: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Lucky Charms Leprechaun. Stockman’s opponent, John Cornyn has led the race by 44 points, but these new endorsements could give Stockman the edge he needs.
Of the three supporters, the Tooth fairy has been most vocal:
“There’s a decay growing in this system, and Rep. Steve Stockman will get to the root of it!”
Recent photos showing a toothless Stockman have led to rumors of bribery. One twitter user, @Cornyn4Lyfe, tweeted: “Stockman’s nothing but an in-dentured servant!”
Senate prospects looked grim for the representative as it was uncovered that seven of the 12 endorsements listed on Stockman’s campaign website turned out to either be dead or false. One of the “endorsements” was Howard Phillips, a conservative activist who died 7 months prior to the campaign. The NRA was also listed, but was later found to support Stockman’s opponent, Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas).
Yet, no one can deny the popularity boost that will come from Stockman’s newest supporters.
“I have always been a proponent of more presents, money for teeth, and leprechauns, so these new endorsements mean a lot,” Stockman said in a recent press conference.
One poll showed Cornyn at 50 percent of support of likely Republican voters, while Stockman maintains a strong 100 percent of make-believe voters.