CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Sources discovered new depths of sadness and contempt for humanity Wednesday night when a simple Google Trends comparison between Syria and Lady Gaga showed that the woman who covered her privates with seashells on national television received a higher search volume than a country currently experiencing genocide and chemical weapon attacks.
“We expected that a routine traffic comparison between a celebrity and a country like Syria would demonstrate a rapid shift in the public’s values and concerns, especially after indications from the Obama administration that military intervention would be inevitable,” a report on the study read. “This was a mistake.”
“While we would like to say there’s a reason why a second-tier recording artist is of greater interest than a conflict that hass already killed hundreds of thousands of people, we are at a loss,” read the report. “One theory we are currently exploring hypothesizes that Lady Gaga is very slightly more likely than genocide to give someone an erection, which, however unlikely, may be responsible for these findings.”
Additional terms that at press time had higher search volumes than Syria included Miley Cyrus, Drake, boobs, Breaking Bad, VMA, NFL, Harry Potter, free TV, twerk, and Bieber.