Report: Credit Card Not Free Money

AGOURA HILLS, Calif. — Cal State Northridge grad-student Derek Zithfvelt was appalled to discover the little plastic card he has been toting around in his wallet to use for expenses such as food, coffee, gas, and clothes was not free money but actually a credit-borrowing program designed to build consumer debt and benefit big banks through calculated interest.

“I had no idea,” Zithfvelt told Newslo from the basement of his parents’ Agoura Hills home.

Zithfvelt allegedly appeared dumbfounded last night when a family-friend remarked on the mass accumulation of un-opened envelopes from Citibank that smothered his rarely-played portable piano.

“I said: you gotta pay for that! Those are bills; you gotta pay them,” said Marty Halda, 64, who Zithfvelt refers to as Uncle Marty. “Derek just kinda stared at me- blinked a couple times. He had no idea what I was talking about.”

Sources close to Zithfvelt insist the student is clueless about his undoubtedly ramshackle credit score and the sky-high interest-rate that will saddle him with debt for years.