Republicans and Obama to Stay Together for the Sake of War

WASHINGTON — In a departure from their normally reflexive opposition to President Obama’s policies, prominent Republican leaders have announced they are willing to support the Obama administration for the sake of the war in Syria.

“Whatever the issues are between the president and ourselves, there is no need to drag the war into it,” House Speaker John Boehner declared in a press conference on Friday. “The war didn’t ask to be involved in our squabbles, and we need to do what’s best for it.”

“I love [the] war [in Syria] very much,” Boehner added.

Majority Leader Eric Cantor echoed Boehner’s sentiments in a statement. “While I am steadfast in my antipathy towards President Obama, and dream of a world without the Democratic Party, I’m willing to put all of that aside for the sake of our new war,” Cantor said. “This war is very precious, and we don’t want to give it the impression that the American government doesn’t care about it. This war is dear to all of us.”

Boehner and Cantor are asking other Republicans to momentarily abandon their quest to destroy the president for the sake of destroying things overseas. Other members of the G.O.P.’s new coalition include Senators Jeff Flake, John McCain, Richard Burr, Saxby Chambliss, Johnny Isakson, and Mark Kirk; as well as Representatives Luke Messer, Tom Cotton, Ted Deutsch, Pete King, Adam Kinzinger, John Kline, Mike Pompeo, and Mike Rogers.

“We owe it to our new overseas conflict to give the President all the support we can,” said Lindsey Graham, who announced his support of the president’s plan earlier this week. “I support any and all military adventures, even if a demented Kenyan-born socialist dreams them up. A broken clock is right twice a day. Not siding with the administration on Syria is selfish and unpatriotic. We need to think about the damage we could potentially not be doing while we argue.”

“I don’t want the conflict in Syria to think it’s the reason the government is fighting,” said Republican Senator Bob Corker, co-author of a Senate resolution to authorize air strikes against Syria for 60 days. “We do hate each other, that much is true. But the war has nothing to do with that, and for its sake, we need to come together and give the war the deadly and destructive environment it deserves.”

Vice President Biden has publicly thanked Republican leaders who have crossed the aisle to support the war. “I was willing to put aside my differences with George W. Bush when I voted to authorize use of force in Iraq in 2002,” the Vice President said in a press release. “I think it’s good that some Republicans today are willing to forgo political bickering for the sake of ruined infrastructure and civilian casualties.”