Republicans Confused to See Democrats Not Instantly Cave to Their Demands

WASHINGTON — Leaders of the Republican Party today expressed confusion at the sight of unified Democrats standing firm and refusing to give in on absolutely every political issue currently facing the nation.

“It’s really weird,” said House Majority Leader Eric Cantor of Virginia. “I don’t know how many times we’ve told them that tax rates for the wealthy must be cut, yet they keep saying they plan on letting the Bush tax cuts expire. It’s like we’re living in the Twilight Zone or something.”

Recently, Democrats have vowed to remain firm in their standoff against the Republicans over the so-called “fiscal cliff,” endorsing the ecoomic plan put forth by President Obama, which would allow the Bush tax cuts to expire while keeping Social Security and Medicare cuts off the negotiating table.

“I just don’t understand,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner. “We’ve been very clear about what we want, yet they don’t appear to be giving it to us. Maybe our page got lost trying to deliver our demands. I’ll send another one.”

Republicans are not the only ones expressing shock at the newfound Democratic spine.

“I was explaining to a constituent why giving up on our core values and letting the Republicans slash entitlements was important for demonstrating a commitment to bipartisanship,” said Representative Eliot Engle of New York. “Suddenly [fellow Democratic Representative] Doris [Matusi of California] came rushing in, arms waving, saying we weren’t caving. It was all very confusing.”

Washington Post editorial columnist Michael Gerson says that, while the news is shocking, he doesn’t expect the Democrats’ resolve to last. “It’s the lame duck session,” Gershon explained, “They just won an election. They’re feeling good, flexing their muscles. Come January, when a new congress is sworn in with a returning Democratic president and a stronger Democratic majority in the Senate, they’ll settle down and allow the Republicans to run roughshod over them as usual.”