Rev. Green Initiates Therapy Program For Women Who Experienced “The Perversion Of The Female Orgasm By Mistake”

Reverend R.G. Green made headlines last year thanks to his post on the Landover Baptist Church Forum, in which he took on the “elusiveness” of the female orgasm, calling it a “gateway sin” and a “myth.” “Today in our secular society, we find that most women discuss this disgusting perversion, thinking it is normal. Well, that is just not true! No godly woman would ever wish to experience such a thing. It is a gateway sin!” he wrote in his post. Recently, Reverend Green has come under the spotlight again.

After Illinois passed a ban on so-called “conversion therapy,” five pastors launched a lawsuit, insisting that they can “cure” LGBT people from their affliction. They believe they should be exempt from the bill because of their religion and designation as a church and religious institution. Like many churches and religious businesses over the years, when they see a law they don’t like, they claim First Amendment protections. However, this argument could be made with any law.

And even though Green did not partake in the lawsuit, he still made sure to contribute to the bizarre side of things. Apparently, the Reverend agrees with the controversial pastors in believing that a cure for countless medical conditions exists, even though modern medicine doesn’t consider them medical conditions in the first place. One example is the “sin” of the female orgasm; a subject on which Green has been more than vocal. And in his own style, the Reverend has reportedly established a therapy program for women who have experienced “the perversion of the female orgasm by mistake.”

“I do not believe that women across the world should have to live with the trauma that derives from suffering an orgasm,” Green told Fox News in an exclusive interview. “I have been saying it for years and I believe in it as much as I have when I first started preaching about it – the female orgasm is the Devil’s way of corrupting mankind. This might sound far-fetched and unbelievable given the times we live in today and because of how widespread the infection really is. However, I urge people to understand one thing – when Eve tasted the apple that was offered to her by the serpent, it tasted incredibly good. What does that tell you about female orgasms?”

Asked to elaborate on his newly established therapy program, the Reverend said, “Oh, it’s the best. I’ve been planning this for years and finally it has become something real, something that will help millions of women, and ultimately, the human race.” He added, “The program is based on an old principle, but with a new twist. Basically, it’s very similar to drug rehab, where we take women who have had orgasms and we put them in a straightjacket and in a room completely absent of any phallic objects. Then we wait out the crisis, the cravings. Once they’ve gone cold turkey, we apply our revolutionary new method.”

“First we strap them to a chair and play hours and hours of loud videos of countless women having orgasms. When they start craving them again, we take them back to the padded room and wait once again. Once they’ve calmed down, we repeat the process in circles. It takes a while, but essentially it’s successful because it’s based on psychological training. The brain becomes accustomed to being stripped of temptations if it feels an oncoming urge to have an orgasm. Think of it as giving each woman her very own, little happy place in their mind. And we’re talking about very low rates of relapse, so there’s definitely a future for this kind of treatment,” Green revealed.

“The therapy works best for women who have only experienced a small number of orgasms and also for those who have experienced theirs by mistake,” he added. “If we’re dealing with more serious addicts, with prostitutes and porn actresses being the toughest cases, we sometimes have to implement an occasional exorcism, just to be on the safe side. Plus, it never hurts to have the Big Man in the room when you’re helping his flock, right? And as the final test, we let our patients enjoy one last intercourse with a staff member of their choosing to find out if they’ve actually gained control over their addiction. If they last through it without an orgasm, they’re awarded a certificate of frigidity. The award ceremony always brings me tears of joy, I must say,” he concluded.

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