Rev. R.G. Green: “Ted Cruz Promised Me To Ban The Perversion Of Female Orgasm”

Reverend R.G. Green of the Landover Baptist Church is known for calling the female orgasm a “gateway sin” and a “myth.” “Today in our secular society, we find that most women discuss the female orgasm, thinking it is normal. That is just not true! No godly woman should ever experience such a thing. It is a gateway sin!” he posted on his church’s online forum some time ago, causing a firestorm across the Internet. However, it seems that Rev. Green has learned nothing from his past incident. Recently he announced his support to Ted Cruz (R-TX) on the basis of “promising to ban the perversion of female orgasm.”

Green’s endorsement has to do with the fact that Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz defended a Texas ban on the sale of dildos and other sex toys and also made the claim that Americans have no right to masturbate during his tenure as Texas solicitor general. “I can say that there is not a happier man than me in America right now,” Rev. Green said. “I have finally found a presidential candidate who is conservative enough to realize that the earthly pleasures that have been bestowed onto the human race are nothing more than a loan from the Devil himself. A loan which he will most definitely be there to collect. With interest, I might add.”

“The female orgasm is a sin beyond all sins. And that is what Ted Cruz understands. At the same time, science is also on our side. It is scientifically proven that the female orgasm has a biological purpose. And that purpose is not to provide pleasure for the woman, but is to facilitate the movement of sperm through the uterus. Nature and God have seen to it. But, somewhere along the way, we humans took the orgasm for granted and started using it for a selfish reason. We made our women believe that its purpose was to make them feel good and that’s it. And that couldn’t be farther from the truth,” Green also added.

“That is why we need Ted Cruz as President,” the Reverend continued. “He understands the dangers of female orgasm. He has personally promised me he will enact a law that will seek to prohibit any and all types of masturbation for women across the United States, regardless of their age. That includes the sale of sex toys in all of their wicked shapes and forms. And not only that – he has also promised that he will crack down on prostitution as another source of orgasms for women. We need to understand one thing very clearly. The female orgasm is only allowed when a couple is attempting to have a child. Then and only then is it an option. Otherwise, it will soon be illegal and punishable by law. At least I hope so.”

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