Fellow straight people and sports fans, American sports as we know it are coming to an end. The fabric of our society is being torn apart at the seams. First, the Boy Scouts reconsider their national ban on gay membership and now numerous sports stars are coming out in favor of gay marriage. When will it end?
It’s bad enough the Boy Scouts will no longer be a safe place for men and boys to camp out in the woods using nothing but their body heat to stay warm, but now American sports are becoming gay-friendly.
Remember when football used to be a man’s sport? The NFL used to be a place where men could tackle other men for the fun of it. Now football players are joining Athlete Ally, a non-profit organization dedicated to ending homophobia in sports.
Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo wrote about his support for gay marriage while blogging for the Huffington Post. Maybe if Brendon spent more time practicing instead of blogging, he would play more like his God-loving teammate Ray Lewis.
Without homophobia in the NFL, fans will be watching grab ass football. If you thought touch football was bad, wait until you watch the defense chasing down the ball carrier’s rear end. It could happen. Democrats already have a grab ass league. Rep. Barney Frank is the starting tight end.
Another member of Athlete Ally is Denver Nuggets forward Kenneth Faried. Not only does he support gay marriage, but he was raised by two women. What Mr. Faried doesn’t realize is his nickname “The Manimal” won’t have the same meaning when he is dunking a pink basketball with glitter on it.
Even hockey players are coming out in support of gay marriage. Hockey players! Retired New York Rangers left winger Sean Avery is a member of Athlete Ally. Thanks to Avery, his former teammates are going to have to do spread eagles to determine a winner instead of having a shootout.
If the overwhelming gayness taking over America’s top sports wasn’t enough, even America’s pastime is in jeopardy. Baseball, t could be argued, is the gayest of the four major American sports. This is why we need to make sure homophobia continues to prevail in clubhouses. Otherwise, the next time we see Alex Rodriguez in a Yankees uniform, he will be bending over at third base wearing pinstripe shorts instead of pants.
America, the time is now to fight against gay marriage and bring homophobia back to the field. It may be too late for the Boy Scouts, but we can still save American sports.
Sincerely,
Rick Santorum
