Dear Friends,
I’ve spent much of the last week in my study, reflecting on the state of the world. How have we gotten here? When did this all become okay? And what do we do now?
I, for one, have chosen to act preemptively. Soon, the sodomites will be slipping on wedding rings. They’ll be lying down in marital beds, and will be doing so legally. This unclean horde will be filing joint tax returns, and receiving federal marriage benefits. The horror is difficult to fathom.
I’ve dedicated much of my political career to fighting against the prospect of this nightmare becoming reality, and to warning the public about the dangers of gay marriage: If gays can marry, the very concept of wedlock is ruined for the rest of us. Their unholy perversion will corrupt the institution—it will spread like devilish wildfire and soon engulf us all. But, alas, no one listened to me.
With a heavy heart, I announce that I am currently in the process of divorcing my beloved wife of 23 years, the mother of my seven children, Karen. She’s a wonderful woman and a generous mother, but if gays can be married, we cannot be. Gay marriage is like a gangrene infection—you may mourn the amputation of your stricken foot, but chopping it off is necessary if you want to stay alive. In order for Karen and I to remain pure in the eyes of the Lord, we must commit a lesser sin. We must divorce, because if we do not, we may succumb to the evils of gayness, too.
I do not relish this decision. I love being married, and believe deeply in the sacred union of a man and a woman. But ever since Will & Grace, with its deviant message of equality, convinced gays they should get married too, I knew this might happen. And I will bear this cross, knowing Jesus approves.
Are you happy now, liberals? Will you sleep well at night, knowing you’ve torn a family apart with your subversive ideas, your twisted morals, your polluted beliefs? You may succeed in giving the gays their precious marriage rights, but hear this: Even if we end up old and lonely, you won’t take us straight, wholesome people down with you. You’ll never force us to share marriage with the gays. We’d rather abandon it altogether.
Sincerely,
Rick Santorum
43 Comments
Logan Brueck
The only reason why he wants to divorce his wife is because now he can marry his Little trick boy he has on the side
Joe Macon
Santorum is just a Nazi, plain and simple. Study him and you will know hate and no focus on what this country truly needs.
Cheryl Scranton
You just can not make this stuff up. What a tool! My prayer to God is you never become president you delusional tool.
Tom Jankovic
No wonder we’re politically up shit’s creek! You people vote and can’t tell the difference between what’s fact and what’s fiction.
Alison Smith Carlson
No way that he wrote this. Has to be a joke. Even he is not this stupid.
Anna Rather
Is this a joke? So, Santorum is divorcing his wife because people are being allowed the same right as he has. Umm, Santorum, only you can divorce your wife, on one else can, idiot!
Bobby Lee
You wanna Divorce your wife because your tired of seeing the same old face morning after morning don’t Blame that on Gays be a man and tell your wife it’s over.
Gail Anderson
Satire or not, I would put nothing past this freaking nutjob. He is got to be one of the craziest bastards of the face of this earth and his beliefs are OUTRAGEOUS. I don’t know how his wife stays with this clown. She has got to be as nutty as him.
John Rockwell
People people this satire funny
But still satire
Stef B. McCallum
Rick, you are clearly insane. The only one forcing you to divorce is you. If you don’t want a gay marriage. Don’t marry a man. I never comment on garbage like this but just coundn’t help myself.
Tom Vineyard
Rick Santorum is a piece of shit.
Dave Cox
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=santorum&defid=942955
Steve Guess
It may be satire, but it’s convoluted satire.
Bode Gibbs
What on Earth is wrong with this idiot?
Jo-Claire Corcoran
Umm satire
Hannah Guenzi
I never comment on these things, but this was just ridiculous. I don’t believe in cussing this guy out, or telling him how much of a fool he is. But right now I’m just done. Done with these types of people saying these absolutely unfathomable things, and tearing his own family apart then blaming others. Partners being able to marry each other have absolutely nothing to do with you at all. This is extremely offensive, and inappropriate, and I cannot believe that you had the audacity to publish something like this.
Georgia Federhofer
This POS no doubt is divorcing his wife to marry his mistress! Because with that kind of rationale he might as well divorce his wife so she can find A REAL MAN!
Elizabeth Rosas
I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to drehiaghe the great messenger to the oracle of dr ehiaghe healing home,I narrated my problem to dr ehiaghe about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later,My Ex Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in USA were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact dr ehiaghe on his personal email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: ehiaghespellhome@gmail.com and your problem will be solve.
Jean Pittenger
YOUR A STUPID FOOL…. GOD NEVER DID TELL YOU TO DIVORCE YOUR WIVES UNLESS FOR ADULTERY IF THEY CHEATED ON YOU NOT BECAUSE GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL EVERYONE IS RESPONSABLE FOR THEIR OWN SALVATION AND ACTIONS WHEN GOD DESTROYED SADAM AND GAMORAH FOR THIS HE NEVER ONCE DEMANDED THE MEN TO DIVORCE THEIR WIVES HE DESTROYED THE CITY. YOU DUMBASS THAT IS A FALSE PROPHET YOU CAN’T DIVORCE YOUR WIFE IF YOU STAY MARRIED YOUR NOT GUILTY OF THIS GAY MARRIAGE AT ALL ANYWAYS AND GOD KNOWS THAT AND UNDERSTANDS THAT HIS MERCY IS FAR GREATER THAN YOU EVER IMAGINED AND YOU UNDERESTIMATED GOD’S GRACE AND MERCY SO MUCH. YOUR STUPID IF YOU THINK DIVORCING YOUR WIFE WILL MAKE YOU HOLY INTO GOD’S EYES NO IT WON’T CHRIST SAID NOT TO DIVORCE UNLESS SHE COMMITS ADULTERY WITH ANOTHER MAN ON YOU THAT IS THE ONLY PERMISSION CHRIST GAVE US TO DIVORCE NOT BECAUSE GAYS CAN MARRY NOW THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE FACING JUDGEMENT WHEN GOD RETURNS YOUR CLEAR OF THIS GUILT THROUGH THE BLOOD OF JESUS IF YOUR NOT FOR IT THEN GOD KNOWS YOUR HEART! SO DON’T BE STUPID.
Shadowjumper Sierra D-con
There is NOTHING wrong with gay marriage, GET OVER YOURSELF and move on!
Your type of people spend tons of money and time trying to prevent people, who LOVE one another, from being married like the rest of us…yet, you could be using your time and money on something more, you know, useful, like, sponsoring/helping a starving child in a 3rd world country.
Grow up, man up, and leave the gays/bis alone, were all human. Leave them alone, respect them, their human just like all of us, and DESERVE EQUAL RIGHTS!
Kevin Karstens
Uuuuh…it’s SATIRE, geniuses…from a SATIRE WEBSITE…
However, the fact that it is so hard to TELL if this is a spoof or not, given the hateful, bigoted crap Rick has said in the past, speaks VOLUMES about the ‘man’ and his party…
Brian Burkett
What better way to maintain your status with your god than to demonstrate your willingness to combat “sin” with “lesser sin”. Last time I looked, this was the USA not Saudi Arabia or Iran. The residents of this country are under no obligation to follow your religious beliefs or dogma. If you get divorced, that’s on you. And it shows how much you value your own marriage. “If I can have it, gays can’t. But if they can, I don’t want it.” A rather immature POV. Admit it, Rick. You got caught cheating on your wife. Did she find stripper dust on one of your sweater vests?
John Sullivan
First off you asshole Rick you are divorcing your wife probably because she can’t stand your right wing nonsense. It’s either that or she caught you trying to nail a young intern! So stop your bullshit about gays and tell the truth for a change. Oh I forgot your a republican so you wouldn’t know the truth if it hit you in the face, like I’d love to do!
Peter Alcivar
This is satire, right? Even Rick Santorum isn’t this stupid. Or maybe years of googling santorum finally took its toll on him..
Lisa Chrisman
The only reason this asshole may divorce his wife is because his secret is out. He has been giving it to Leslie Graham in Senate chambers for years now!!!!
Ron Harrell
absolutely hilarious ——– what a well written satire !! Short, to the point, and gets across the important bits !!!!!!!!!!!
Tanajè Allen
Your fault not ours, you can’t blame us because you want to divorce your “wife”. Good luck with that bs coming out the side of you neck.
Scott David Burton
This is ridiculous. Is this a joke?
Orlan Melen
WAKE THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE.
Chuck Starr
Now Rick can go get that cock he craves so bad! Lol
Genifer Smith
LOL, Your wife will be better off lil ricky, maybe she can find a nice woman to marry and help raise our kids,, This is just to funny.
Kris Bellos
You tore your own family apart genius. Stop trying to shift blame on other people.
Frankie Aguilar
FUCK YOU RICK SANTORUM!! The reason why you are getting a divorce is because you cant keep your COCK out of that lil sluts mouth or else HE will goto the media and lay it out all on the table. You still dont know how to be humble even with a dick up his ass! Hey rick just remember that guys suck dick better. Watch out how many dicks u can fit in ur mouth and how many VD’S u can get. Lmao
Joel Ford
This stuff is wicked >:)
Raiann Springer
His wife is probably VERY happy!
Abbi Orenstein
in the event this isn’t a joke, we didn’t start that divorce, its his blind hate and stupidity. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was legit because he’s said equally stupid things for real.
Bruce L Arvidson II
WOW!! I knew the hateful religious fanatical republican tea-bagging representatives were out there, and would distort anything to their whim, but this over the top.
So the idiot is getting a divorce, because his wife, probably, has seen how much of a hypocritical bigot he is and could not stand it. I just hope she comes out with a tell all book of how much of a hypocrite he really is. If she does, that will be one less USA hating person in congress.
Kevin Dailey
If it really was true it would be hella funny to see the judges reaction when his reason for divorce was brought up in court. At that point his future ex wife thinking he was using that excuse to get out of paying alimony would say turn to the judge and say “And he forgot to mention his 19 year old mistress”
Desira Boyd
Divorce can’t be this easy.
or can it 😉
Angel E Unique
Hes a Bigoet..plain and simple. Cant stand the fact that gays are getting married and probably do a better job at it!
Mark Esche
You all did push the “show facts” button, didn’t you?
Butch Duplessis
Is this asshole for real.
Janice Jones
PLEASE FORGIVE THIS COMMENT IF THIS WAS ALL SOME SICK JOKE ABOUT YOUR DIVORCE, I SEE THAT AOL SEEMS TO BE IN ON ALL THIS EVIL. SO IF IT IS NOT TRUE, JUST FORGIVE ME.Dear Rick,, I don’t get it. I actually was in your corner, and now? What I am reading that they say you said, in quotes? I am shocked at you. You are no quitter or are you? Yes, now I remember how disapointed I was to see you quit the run last election. I believed in your run for office. A winner in Christs eyes finishes the fight, we all also know that end times are here. Your family , your wife, your children are far far more important than saying the Gays distroyed your marriage. No , sorry Rick, you did. You should know, you don’t discuss Gay sex during sexual relations with your wife??? where was your head at? You surely must know better,but maybe your wife is in part to blame. Maybe the pressures of Politics of you Rick, hurt her too much, and she grew weary of this “battle” in our land. America will keep going, I see that Huckabee is now after Obama for his stands, that are double standard, like raising kids who listen to Beyonce’, I am not sure he will get far in this approach. I think though that God expected you to put your wife first above “politics”, I really think this is biblical, the sanctity of your OWN marriage was/ is too important, the father of your children has made a big error, in letting this happen. Or, if your wife will not put her own husband first in life, after God, she is in error. I pray you both realize it is not worth it to just crash and burn on your marriage. Please reconsider the both of you, your decision to tear up your own marriage. You really cannot blame anyone else. Sincerely, Janice Gay , CA. You’ll be in my prayers.
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