NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Today's Headlines
  • World

Rob Ford Possessed by Ghost of Chris Farley

  • November 20, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • No comments
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

TORONTO – Paranormal investigators have confirmed that the ghost of former Saturday Night Live funnyman Chris Farley has possessed the body of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, causing him to act like the overweight, intoxicated buffoon that was Farley’s stock and trade.

Self-described possession-ologists Sharon Howell and Nicholas Von Vendehoffer were called in by the Ford family to study the radical shifts in their loved one’s behavior. “No one could explain it,” said Van Vendehoffer.  “The family saw changes in Mr. Ford that led them to believe someone else was inhabiting his body.  First it was the excessive drinking, then the weight gain. Eventually, he became the sweaty gaffe-supernova you see today.”  According to family members, Ford was a sober, competent and trustworthy public servant before his transformation – which coincided with his rise in local politics. “He used to be physically fit too,” added Van Vendehoffer.

After communicating with Farley via Ouija board, Howell claims that the spirit of Farley is not at rest because he died before he could film what he considered to be his magnum opus.  “It was to be called Mayor Brewski, and Ford’s behavior has shown all of the slapstick humor and classic Farley antics that could have been. The public intoxication and the crack smoking, obviously.  Barreling over a City Councilor during an official session.  Even discussing his proclivity of ‘eating pussy’ on live television.”

“In fact,” continued Howell, “‘He Has Enough to Eat at Home’ was going to be the tagline of the film.”

The news of the Ford/Farley possession has caused many Toronto residents to see the controversial figure in a new light.  “Wow! Chris Farley is using our mayor as a portal to speak from the netherworld,” said Liz Fernstein, 32.  “Just to think, we were taking steps to throw him out of office.  Of course he can stay now.  What the worst that can happen? We’re already one of the cleanest safest cities in North America – and that’s with him in charge.”

Ford attempted to address the situation at City Hall, but as he emerged from his office dressed as a Chippendale’s dancer he lost consciousness and fell through a table.

As of press time, David Spade is frantically trying to call Ford about the possibility of making Black Sheep 2.

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Chris Farley
  • news satire
  • Newslo
  • Rob Ford
  • Rob Ford newslo
NewsLo

Previous Article
Prosecutors: George Zimmerman One White Murder Away from Going to Prison 1
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Prosecutors: George Zimmerman One White Murder Away from Going to Prison

  • November 19, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
U.S.-Afghan Security Pact Allows Afghan Civilians To Search US Military Bases 2
  • Today's Headlines
  • World

U.S.-Afghan Security Pact Allows Afghan Civilians To Search US Military Bases

  • November 20, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
donald trump north korea
View Post
  • Featured
  • Latest Lies
  • World
  • World Feature

Donald Trump Promises To Stop “The Crazy Muslims From North Korea”

  • NewsLo
  • September 3, 2017
Trump Announces U.S.-Russia Cyber Security Unit: “Together We’ll Control The World Like In The Good, Old Cold War Days And Make America Great Again” 3
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump Announces U.S.-Russia Cyber Security Unit: “Together We’ll Control The World Like In The Good, Old Cold War Days And Make America Great Again”

  • NewsLo
  • July 10, 2017
Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them” 4
View Post
  • US
  • Latest Lies
  • Today's Headlines
  • US-Feature

Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them”

  • NewsLo
  • July 9, 2017
Kushner Attacks Paris Climate Agreement: “Why Should We Care About What Happens To Paris, We’re In The USA” 5
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Kushner Attacks Paris Climate Agreement: “Why Should We Care About What Happens To Paris, We’re In The USA”

  • NewsLo
  • July 6, 2017
Spicer: “Trump Has The Legal Right To Cancel SCOTUS Because They Serve At His Pleasure” 6
View Post
  • Featured
  • Latest Lies
  • Today's Headlines

Spicer: “Trump Has The Legal Right To Cancel SCOTUS Because They Serve At His Pleasure”

  • NewsLo
  • June 20, 2017
donald trump north korea
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump Claims He Built The Panama Canal “To Make America Great Again”

  • NewsLo
  • June 20, 2017
John Hagee Calls For “Prosecuting Women Who Say God’s Name During Intercourse” 7
View Post
  • Religion
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

John Hagee Calls For “Prosecuting Women Who Say God’s Name During Intercourse”

  • NewsLo
  • June 15, 2017
Trump’s Lawyer Said President Made A Mistake By Firing Comey Because “As The Commander In Chief, He Could Arrested And Jailed Him Forever” 8
View Post
  • US
  • Politics
  • Politics-Feature
  • Today's Headlines
  • US-Feature

Trump’s Lawyer Said President Made A Mistake By Firing Comey Because “As The Commander In Chief, He Could Arrested And Jailed Him Forever”

  • NewsLo
  • June 10, 2017

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.