TORONTO – Paranormal investigators have confirmed that the ghost of former Saturday Night Live funnyman Chris Farley has possessed the body of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, causing him to act like the overweight, intoxicated buffoon that was Farley’s stock and trade.
Self-described possession-ologists Sharon Howell and Nicholas Von Vendehoffer were called in by the Ford family to study the radical shifts in their loved one’s behavior. “No one could explain it,” said Van Vendehoffer. “The family saw changes in Mr. Ford that led them to believe someone else was inhabiting his body. First it was the excessive drinking, then the weight gain. Eventually, he became the sweaty gaffe-supernova you see today.” According to family members, Ford was a sober, competent and trustworthy public servant before his transformation – which coincided with his rise in local politics. “He used to be physically fit too,” added Van Vendehoffer.
After communicating with Farley via Ouija board, Howell claims that the spirit of Farley is not at rest because he died before he could film what he considered to be his magnum opus. “It was to be called Mayor Brewski, and Ford’s behavior has shown all of the slapstick humor and classic Farley antics that could have been. The public intoxication and the crack smoking, obviously. Barreling over a City Councilor during an official session. Even discussing his proclivity of ‘eating pussy’ on live television.”
“In fact,” continued Howell, “‘He Has Enough to Eat at Home’ was going to be the tagline of the film.”
The news of the Ford/Farley possession has caused many Toronto residents to see the controversial figure in a new light. “Wow! Chris Farley is using our mayor as a portal to speak from the netherworld,” said Liz Fernstein, 32. “Just to think, we were taking steps to throw him out of office. Of course he can stay now. What the worst that can happen? We’re already one of the cleanest safest cities in North America – and that’s with him in charge.”
Ford attempted to address the situation at City Hall, but as he emerged from his office dressed as a Chippendale’s dancer he lost consciousness and fell through a table.
As of press time, David Spade is frantically trying to call Ford about the possibility of making Black Sheep 2.
