Carrie Fisher, the actress best known for playing Princess Leia Organa in the original Star Wars trilogy, has died. She was 60. A spokesperson for the Fisher family confirmed the actress died Tuesday morning at UCLA Medical Center, days after she suffered a heart attack while onboard a flight from London to Los Angeles. Fisher had reportedly been in the hospital’s intensive care unit for days following the heart attack. Her mother, actress Debbie Reynolds, said Sunday that she was in “stable condition” and thanked supporters for their well-wishes.
As was to be expected, televangelist Pat Robertson couldn’t leave enough alone and engaged in commentary regarding the actress’s death, arguing during an episode of “The 700 Club” that Fisher was not actually dead, but rather “kidnapped by demons from a galaxy far, far away,” as well as that the reason for such an action had to do with the demons’ perception of Fisher as an alien. “With all due respect to her and her family, but I’m just surprised it hasn’t happened sooner,” Robertson said during the show. “And while we’re on the subject, I was wondering when the rest of the cast of that foul, anti-religious and sinful movie would start croaking.”
“That’s what tends to happen when you get involved in things that provoke our faith and our Lord,” he continued. “She was always weird, despite her remarkable beauty. She always listened to godless, heathen-loving rock music, which summons demons. And sure enough, after decades of such foul behavior and constant knocking on Hell’s gates, the demons finally answered the doorbell. And let me tell you something about demons, ladies and gentlemen: if you get to the point where even they start considering you an alien like they have Fisher, you’re really in neck-deep and you deserve to be taken from this world. That’s how I feel about it, though I’m sure plenty of you folks out there agree with me.”
The televangelist also disclosed his own version of the place Fisher moved on to. “I can see it now, she’s sitting inside a hippie tee-pee, smoking marijuana and shoving cocaine up her nostrils, wearing hippie clothes and listening to satanic rock bands like Black Sabbath and The Beatles, and she’s surrounded by the very demons that kidnapped her,” he said. “They’re all there, befriending and spending time together while doing drugs and engaging in sinful behavior. And while we’re on the subject and strictly between you and me – I wouldn’t be surprised if they were having orgies as well. Because, those kind of sins tend to go hand in hand with these kind of people.”
“And that’s just the start – anybody who’s either starred in or has had any other association with that satanic movie is going to face the same faith. Although, I’m thinking the demons are going to hold off on coming after Harrison Ford; he’s still doing a good job of corrupting innocent souls with his lousy acting and love affairs. Heck, anybody who’s ever watched any part of Indiana Jones is bound to end up in hell, drugs and demons or otherwise. But mark my words – there’s an entire list of people meant to join Fisher in the demon-infested galaxy far, far away, and so far, the only checkbox that’s been filled out is the one next to her name,” Robertson concluded.