Romney Camp Looking to Trade Lindsay Lohan For Neil Patrick Harris & Eva Longoria

WASHINGTON— In an attempt to diversify its voting base, the Romney camp contacted the White House yesterday and offered to trade celebrity endorsers Lindsay Lohan and Scott Baio for Eva Longoria and Neil Patrick Harris.

Longoria and Harris are outspoken proponents for Latino and gay rights, respectively, and their endorsements could sway the election. Campaign advisers have been eager to acquire both stars since realizing their most popular endorser, Clint Eastwood, was only effective in persuading dementia patients. But reports from within the White House say the Obama camp isn’t sold on the deal.

“We didn’t want Lohan in 2008, so why would we want her now?” said deputy campaign manager Stephanie Cutter. “And Scott Baio? That’s just insulting.”

Romney advisers stress they are willing to trade any celebrity “except for Donald Trump” as long as Lindsay Lohan is part of the deal.

“We really don’t want Lohan,” said Romney spokesperson Eric Fehrnstrom. “She bombed on SNL and her meth teeth aren’t a good look. We are willing to throw in Shyne and Cindy Crawford for the right price.”

Obama advisers counter-offered Kal Penn and Ricky Martin for Stacey Dash, Chuck Norris and Jenna Jameson, but Fehrnstrom said Ricky Martin was “way too gay” and “Kal Penn is Indian, which is a completely irrelevant demographic in this election.”

If Romney’s team is able to negotiate for both Longoria and Harris, it will be one of the most successful deals since Richard Nixon traded two packs of Marlboros and a bottle of Jameson for Wilt Chamberlain in 1968.