BOULDER, Colo. – Since Tuesday morning at 10am, when most Colorado marijuana supporters began waking up, Romney campaign workers have been busy distributing massive amounts of pot and food from McDonald’s to citizens in democratic neighborhoods. The drastic strategy is a response to a key question on the Colorado ballot, which could potentially make marijuana completely legal for citizens over the age of 21. It is also expected to be influential in the Presidential race. Experts are wondering which will be higher – Romney’s margin of victory or Obama’s supporters.
So far, Republican Party volunteers and campaign workers have delivered over 40 pounds of medical grade marijuana divided into half-ounce bags. A rare alliance has been formed between Republicans and local drug dealers, who fear a devastating economic blow should marijuana be legalized. Each weed delivery originally came with four McDonald’s combo meals, but by mid-afternoon the campaigners had found that most liberal stoners preferred a random assortment of dollar menu items. Leaflet drops of ketchup packets began at around 2pm.
Almost no voters targeted by the weed have emerged from their houses or tried to vote. The air has become hazy enough that even the few baked dems who ventured out quickly became disoriented and forgot what they were doing. As a last resort, Romney supporters have set up big screen TV’s playing The “Big Lebowski” on a loop outside of polling stations to distract the voters. The effort has also prevented the antics of several hundred stoners who all decided it would be brilliantly hilarious to hot-box a voting booth.