Romney, Palin to Talk at CPAC, Dig Republican Grave Deeper

WASHINGTON — After announcing plans to speak at this year’s CPAC convention, Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney thrilled and delighted the rabidly conservative audience by stating that they would team up to “jointly dig the Republican Party’s grave even deeper.”

The former losing Republican Vice-Presidential nominee and losing Republican Presidential candidate issued a joint statement saying, “We look forward to this opportunity to work together to make sure our party keeps moving in a strong direction:  down. We refuse to be buried by the Democrats. We are determined to do it ourselves.”

Mitt Romney, who has kept a decidedly low profile since losing the election in November to President Obama, except for pumping gas and showing up ringside at a boxing match, issued a statement: “I’m thrilled to be addressing the Conservative Political Action Conference, giving me the chance to push for all the policies that contributed to my being soundly thumped in the recent election.”

Romney continued, “But I’m especially excited to join up with Sarah Palin, who has even less credibility than me, for the Closing Night ceremony, where we will team up to insure that the grave the Republican Party is digging for itself will be one from which it will never emerge.”
Sarah Palin, who recently was dismissed by Fox News for reportedly saying something that was remotely true, held her own news conference.

“Dig, baby, dig!” Palin called out to an adoring crowd of seven people, echoing her “Drill, baby, drill” mantra in the 2008 campaign. “You know what we Republicans always say: ‘When you’re digging yourself into a hole, keep digging!’”

As if to emphasize the point, CPAC announced that other speakers at the March conference include former Republican senator (and losing presidential candidates) Rick Santorum.

Said an exuberant Santorum, “We’re gonna party like it’s 2012! And also, the 18th century.”