Ron Paul to Create Libertarian Paradise in South Texas

GALVESTON, Texas — As Ron Paul’s final session of Congress draws to an end, the longtime champion of personal liberty is ready to devote his efforts to new challenges. Insiders say Paul plans to devote a great deal of time to what is being called “the Proto-Civilization,” an isolated libertarian enclave in the plains of south Texas, preparing to start our country anew after the inevitable and total collapse of big government.

Congressman Paul revealed the project to reporters for the first time on Tuesday and allowed select media personnel access to the Proto-Civilization itself. While there is no official name, the citizens call it El Dorado, where every standard is gold, central authority is minimal, and the market is even freer than the people.

A heavily-armed man named only Tobo, head of one of the private mercenary companies commissioned to guard the community’s wall, granted reporters a brief tour. He brought the outsiders through a convoluted web of dirt roads to show them the town center. Tobo explained the disorienting nature of the streets as “the free market’s own security mechanism.” Roads and infrastructure are handled by 14 private contractors, each with their own city planning blueprint, so the rabbit warren result is somewhat inevitable. It is confusing at first, but the guide assured everyone that “he knows it like the back of his invisible hand.”

The town center is a broad plaza filled with vendors and customers. Over 20,000 individuals live in the community, working in hundreds of occupations for over a thousand different businesses. Most of the adults wear large backpacks as they socialize and engage in enlightened debate. The bags, Paul later explained, are filled with personal property.  Non-perishable food, lighters and matches, medical supplies, fuel, liquor, guns and munitions, clothing and blankets are the main staples. One individual said he had stockpiled travel-size soaps and shampoos purloined from over 19,000 hotels. Tobotried to stop the man from talking to reporters but could not, as though swayed by some divine force that ensures free speech for all men.

“And after the hotel soap, I started hoarding the toilet paper from government facilities,” explained the man, “but—surprise—it was all single ply! So instead I wipe using federal reserve notes, which, of course, aren’t actually worth anything at all except in an abstract, foundationless sense. I suggest you read these articles by noted econom—”  Tobo then paid the man off with a bag of non-hybridized seeds before abruptly ending the tour.

“I won’t show you anything else about how these individual families live because it is really none of your damn business,”Tobo announced. “So get the hell out!”