Rubio Doesn’t Object To Obama’s Replacement Of Scalia: “I’ll Get Rid Of SCOTUS Anyway”

Columbia, South Carolina – Marco Rubio said Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s death had “refocused” the presidential race Monday, bringing some “gravity” to the choice facing voters. “I think the Scalia death in many ways refocused this campaign,” the Florida senator told reporters aboard his campaign bus. “It’s like, hold on a second, this is not just about having somebody interesting there, about making a point or sending a message. This election is about electing someone who’s going to replace Scalia with someone, and I think it kind of brought a little bit of seriousness and gravity to the decision before us.”

“Then again,” Rubio continued, “I’m prone to saying that the decision to replace Justice Scalia might not prove to be all that important.” The Florida Sen. also stated that “it doesn’t really matter who it is that ultimately appoints Scalia’s replacement. Whether Obama does it or not, even though he’s made it clear he plans to go forward with it, I’m going to get rid of the Supreme Court of the United States anyway if I’m elected president. And even if I’m not the one who gets to make that decision, it is a decision in the best interest of the American people and whoever ultimately becomes President of the United States should follow through with it.”

Asked to elaborate on his argument, Rubio said, “Well, it’s not exactly like they have the perfect score, if you know what I mean. They’ve made some decisions that could be called a lot of things, but since I’m a nice guy, I’m going to call them ‘questionable’ at best. I mean, I’m all for civil liberties and all that crap, but where do they get off allowing same-sex marriage? That alone ought to be enough to fire the lot of ‘em and have them lynched by an angry mob in front of the Washington monument, not to mention other illogical and unlawful rulings. Honestly, I’m surprised Obama hasn’t done it already. Oh right, silly me – he’s got them on his payroll, so it wouldn’t make sense if he did that. I mean, President Obama is many things, but stupid is not one of them.”

“So there you have it,” Rubio added. “When it’s all said and done, I wouldn’t be surprised if rumors of Scalia being assassinated by Obama were true. But, you know, water under the bridge. Anyway, now that he’s gone, there’s really no point in keeping the rest of them around. But, I’m certainly not going to be the one to start the avalanche, no, Sir. If I become president, you know what’s going to happen. If not, why bother? Obama’s going away anyway, and whoever succeeds him is going to be given a hot potato the very first day on the job. Come to think of it, with the state of things right now, maybe I should retire from the race. Apart from Castro, we Cubans don’t do well under pressure at all.”