NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Rutgers President Robert Barchi admitted that he did not understand why people were making such a big deal of men’s basketball coach Mike Rice’s homophobic tirade, saying the university could have forgiven the gay bashing as long as it resulted in an NCAA berth.

“Great coaches talk shit, this is New Jersey for God’s sake,” said Barchi, “I don’t give a shit if he called all of them little queer rat dildos, he was fired for going 5-13 in conference play. Why do you think an abusive S.O.B like Bobby Knight got to stick around Indiana for so long, and then given another head coaching gig at Texas Tech? Winning cures everything, even homophobia.”

Barchi did admit that homophobia was “not great,” but not nearly as big of a travesty as not being able to effectively recruit in the talent-rich New York City area. “He could have kept using the gay stuff if he only brought in a top-ten recruiting class every once in a while.”

Barchi also took time to clear up rumors that former player development director, Eric Murdoch, tried to extort the school in order to keep the video of Rice’s abusive practice secret. “Murdoch was not trying to get money to keep practice under wraps. He was trying to get money to keep the game film of our 80-67 loss to Mississippi from leaking.”

“We are supposed to be a premier basketball institution in the best basketball conference in the country,” said Barchi, “so losing to a lowly SEC squad by 13 is significantly more embarrassing than throwing balls at players during practice.”