Fox News Hosts Argue That “Students Should Use Guns Instead Of Condoms To Ensure Safe Sex”

The hosts of Fox News’ Outnumbered argued on Wednesday that students were responsible enough to carry firearms at school, but not condoms. Host Andrea Tantaros noted that faculty at the University of Houston had warned that the state’s new open carry law could threaten free speech on campus. “Professors are advising each other to avoid sensitive topics in class if students are armed,” Tantaros explained. She concluded the segment by suggesting that armed students could have prevented the mass shooting at Virginia tech and then turned her attention to a San Francisco school board that had approved a proposal to give middle school students access to condoms.

“At the rate they’re going, I think the next logical step in their heads is to start teaching kids that if they don’t like the feeling of condoms during sex, they should just cut to the chase and use their guns to ensure intercourse,” Tantaros argued. Guest host Geraldo Rivera interjected, saying, “But, that would open up a lot of problems. For example, what if boys start using their guns to make girls have sex with them without a condom? On the same note, what if girls start using their guns to make boys use a condom? I mean, I have a 10-year-old daughter, and if I were to find out some horny kid is trying to force her to have no-condom sex with him at gun point, I would personally go out and get a shotgun and send her off to school with it to show that boy what she’s all about.”

Tantaros agreed, saying, “As a woman, I can understand where you’re coming from, Geraldo. If I were back in school and this was happening, you better believe I wouldn’t leave home without a 9mm holstered under my coat. But, that’s the thing – the situation was way different back when I was in school. Today, you’ve got so much crime and disease among kids of all ages that I’m honestly struggling to come up with a reason why we shouldn’t have kids carry guns, and furthermore, let them use it to ensure safe sex. I’ll tell you this – hundreds of thousands of women wouldn’t have been rape victims had they had a gun on them when they were assaulted.”

“But it’s important to look at the matter from both perspectives,” Rivera added. Asked to elaborate by the other hosts, he said, “Well, we’re assuming here that boys are the ones who want to have unprotected sex. That’s not fair to them, is it? There are also plenty of girls there who just can’t be bothered to ask a guy to wear a condom. So, I think boys too should insist on a condom by using a gun, especially since their health is at risk as well. AIDS and other STDs work both ways, after all.” “So, we’re all agreeing on this?” Tantaros asked. “Absolutely” was the unanimous reply.