NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Blogs

Samantha Tracey’s Pissed Connections

  • December 13, 2012
  • NewsLo
  • 8 comments
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

Dear Pissed Connections,

I was humping this chick on and off for about 5 months, and things ended between us 2 months ago. We haven’t really been talking much since the “break-up” and I’ve recently starting boning someone new. But, when I realized her 29th birthday was coming up last week, and heard she didn’t have any plans, I decided to take her out to dinner and drinks to be a good friend. After a Mickey D’s dinner and a quick 7-Eleven slushy pre-game, I brought her to one of my favorite bars in the East Village. Soon after arriving my new hump buddy met up with us. The birthday gal was NOT happy about this, and bitched me out for the remainder of the night.

What the fuck is wrong with this chick?

Dazed and Confused


Dear Dazed and Confused,

This might be difficult to hear, but you clearly used to be dating a psychopathic bitch. Just be glad you got out before she completely went mental. And before she turned 30. (Now that’s one hump you’d have a lot of trouble riding).

If I know anything—and believe me, I know everything—she’s not going to come around. Birthdays are a sensitive time for women, especially when they’re on their periods. And it definitely sounds like she was on her period. Or she wasn’t. It could definitely go either way.

Just know you were a complete gentleman in the way you handled the evening. You treated her to a lovely dinner and then to several hours of drinks to forget that dinner. You even provided her with additional party guests by inviting your new hump-friend. A pretty selfless act, if you ask me. And let’s be honest, you are asking me.

Another thing I should point out, although this is somewhat obvious, is that this birthday girl is an unapologetic gold digger. Evidently she’s only using you for decadent dinners and fancy cocktails. Let me guess—she ordered a double cheeseburger and large fries? I thought at as much. I bet she would have ordered a 52 oz. soda too, if Bloomberg would have allowed it. Thank God that law’s good for something. Bloomy’s got your back.

Not only does it seem like this lady should watch her waist, but it seems like you should watch you don’t waste your time with her.

The bottom line is that she was jealous you didn’t invite her into a threesome with humpty dumpty 2.0. Plain and simple. Every birthday girl expects birthday sex.

Unless she’s on her period. And let’s face it, she was probably on her period. Or she wasn’t. It could definitely go either way.

Hope this helps!

Pissed Connections

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • best dating advice
  • dating advice
  • Dating advice columns
  • Jdate and dating advice
  • New dating advice column
  • news makeup dating humor and satire
  • where can i get some dating advice
NewsLo

Previous Article
Newslo Scoops Interviews with 2024 Presidential Candidates 1
  • Politics

Newslo Scoops Interviews with 2024 Presidential Candidates

  • December 13, 2012
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
Ron Paul to Create Libertarian Paradise in South Texas 2
  • Politics

Ron Paul to Create Libertarian Paradise in South Texas

  • December 13, 2012
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
how to make money while traveling
View Post
  • Blogs

Proven Ways on How to Make Money While Traveling Full-Time

  • NewsLo
  • August 31, 2019
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogs Feature

The Right to Keep and Bear Arms Law in the United States

  • NewsLo
  • April 12, 2018
Toys R Us app
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogger's Corner

Can the New Toys R Us App Save The Company from Total Annihilation?

  • NewsLo
  • October 9, 2017
donald trump crazy tweets
View Post
  • Blogs Feature
  • Blogs
  • Featured

Donald Trump Defeat His Own Crazy Tweets: “There Is No Way I Wrote Them My Self”

  • NewsLo
  • August 16, 2017
pilot app
View Post
  • Blogs

Pilot App and the Rise of Online Immersive Experiences

  • NewsLo
  • July 21, 2017
political jargon
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogger's Corner

Political Jargon: How to Lighten up the Monotony in 2017

  • NewsLo
  • June 29, 2017
View Post
  • Blogs

4D Planning is a growing planning consultancy and architecture practise in London and Manchester

  • NewsLo
  • December 25, 2016
View Post
  • Blogs

4 Main Reasons Why Many Traders Make a Loss

  • NewsLo
  • October 24, 2016
8 comments
  1. Alfred says:
    December 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Sir,
    Everyone knows that 29 is the perfect time for a hump day challenge… and it certainly doesn’t take a large happy meal to accomplish it… just a bag of candy and a 6 pack of Milwaukee’s Best.

    Log in to Reply
    1. sunnymonday says:
      December 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm

      Alfred, you r a sicko.

      Log in to Reply
      1. Alfred says:
        December 14, 2012 at 3:19 pm

        I’m sorry 🙁 I didn’t mean to offend… a little too close to home? Listen, no one is trying to take your happy meal away… it’s just the economy, you know?

        Log in to Reply
        1. SunnyMonday says:
          December 15, 2012 at 4:06 pm

          Alfred, there are no excuses for your actions. But I wouldn’t expect much from someone who drinks Milwaukee’s Shittiest. Stay thirsty my friend.

          Log in to Reply
          1. Alfred says:
            December 18, 2012 at 2:12 pm

            Ok… but at least your still on board for the bag of candy…(?) And hey! Milwaukee’s best IS the best, I don’t know what swill you’ve been drinking- just give me something with some flavor

  2. Alcibiddy says:
    December 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Samantha Tracey is so damn hilarious! I think she was bang-on about the threesome. Mr. Dazed and Confused shouldn’t have invited the girl out on her birthday if he wasn’t prepared to put out.

    Log in to Reply
  3. Finneus Thadbury says:
    December 15, 2012 at 3:13 am

    Well – aren’t I fortunate for stumbling upon this piece of whimsical persiflage! What a droll column – your witty jests pricking this shrewish nag do so tickle my fancy. This shrill trollop deserved quite the trouncing and you thrashed her with a riotous lampoon. Jolly good show Ms. Tracey.

    Log in to Reply
  4. Joy says:
    December 28, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Samantha Tracey is hysterical

    Log in to Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.